History Counts For Something
by Not-Knowing-Is-Everything
Summary: Spencer was numb. Numb to the pain of the blade entering his forearm, but, judging by the scream that followed, the impassivity didn't last long as the cloaked man twisted the blade. A sickening crack echoed throughout Reid's mind as it was shrouded in lightning sharp white-hot crackles of pain. That's when everything went black. ReidWhump.RecoveryAngst.Team included later chapt.
1. Realization

**Authors note- Hey there! please reiveiw, i needa know if i should continue writing this or not haha **

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**Enjoy! :) sadly, Reid wont. :P **

Pain. That was the first thing that registered on the young Spencer Reid's genius mind. There was lots of it, pulsing throughout his body. It felt like a being was trying to prize his skull open; from the inside. Spencer did not want to open his eyes for a fear of what he would find. So instead he kept them closed for as long as he needed to survey his condition.

His brain, despite the pain, was in overdrive. Fear and adrenaline rushed through his veins. He slowly moved his limbs, one by one, surveying the damage. After a couple of minutes he came to the conclusion that his legs were still intact. Now for his arms. As soon as he tried to move his left arm, hot pulsating pain electrocuted every cell of his being. He let out a quiet but distinct whimper as fresh, warm blood began to flow. Judging by the amount of pain in his left arm, he decided he had fractured his radius. With a hesitant check of his other arm, he found that was the extent of his physical injuries. But how did he get them?

A new type of fear gripped Spencer. He had never experienced forgetting. He clamped his eyes even further closed, scanning his brain for information. It came in fractions.

_Jazz music was playing. He recognized the composer. Johnny Alegre. He was one of Spencer's favourites in the genre. As he walked up to the blinding lights of the Jazz club, he heard a voice. Actually, he heard a scream. As soon as he rounded the corner to the darkened pit of an alley, He heard a chuckle. _

'_I knew that would get your attention, Spencer.' A soft voice filled his ears, but he couldn't quite recognize it. The only thing he knew was that it was coming from behind him._

_As Spencer turned around, the hooded man grabbed a knife out of his pocket and slit the woman's throat. Spencer knew that she was the one who was screaming previously, but now her throat was making a gurgling sound as her own blood flooded her airway._

_Spencer was in shock. He was reason that young women died. He could have saved her. _

_Obviously seeing the look of despair in Spencer's eyes, the soft voice spoke again._

'_Don't worry, Spencer, she was just a whore.' _

_The voice sounded almost affectionate, it sent chills down his spine either way. It took a minute for Spencer to realize that the hooded murderer was approaching him; he instantly reached for his gun, only to realize that he had left it in his hotel He was off duty after all. Lost in shock, thought, or both, Spencer was numb. Numb to the pain of the blade entering his forearm, but, judging by the scream that followed, the numbness didn't last long as the man twisted the blade. A sickening crack echoed throughout Spencer's mind. The hooded man then removed the blade to whack the butt of it against Spencer's skull. _

_That's when everything went black._

He stopped his recall of his attack when he could feel breath on the back of his neck. His heart practically stopped when the spine chilling voice sounded again.

'Hello, my dear Spencer.' Said the voice.

Realization and shock overcoming his physique as Spencer finally recognized the sickening voice. Spencer opened his eyes for the first time since the attack, and grimaced at the pain. But he faced his captor anyway.

'Ethan.' He breathed.

Then he let the darkness take him into a more welcoming reality.

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	2. Leverage

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Reid had told the team that he was visiting his mother over the weekend. Nobody was looking for him. Nobody would know he was gone until he wouldn't show up for work on Monday. That meant Reid has to spend a whole twenty four hours with Ethan before there was even a possibility of being found. Unless somebody at the Jazz club had seen him be abducted. His scream must have been loud, right? Somebody must have heard.

As Spencer's brain worked, he realized the latter option wasn't very probable. He remembered how loud the music was outside the club, let alone inside. Nobody would have heard, nobody saw. Reid was alone, with his old friend who was going through a psychotic break. _Great, Reid. You've got yourself kidnapped again! Lucky you! _He ignored the condescending voice in his head. If he was going to survive this he needed to be on top of his mental game. Ethan was nearly as smart as Reid, but he had something Reid did not; Power.

Since he passed out after facing Ethan, Reid still hadn't opened his eyes; but he knew it had to happen sometime. With a deep breath that did nothing for his nerves he slowly opened his eyes only to see another pair staring at him from the opposite wall. They were not Ethan's. He looked around the room, only to find that it was a concrete basement, judging by the very small window towards the top of the ceiling. Disappointment filled him as he knew he wouldn't fit through it. Reid was slumped against the cold stone wall facing the other pair of eyes.

'Hey there.' She said with a sad smile. 'I was starting to think you were dead, Are you okay?' She asked, concerned at the gash on his head.

Reid studied her. She had brown curly hair, green eyes and was wearing t-shirt and jeans that hugged her curvy figure perfectly. Reid would have found her attractive under different circumstances.

'Yes. I am. How-' Reid winced as his eyes tried to get used to the light in the room. 'How did you get here?' He asked, his voice croaky. He was craving some water.

The girl smiled sympathetically at his pain. 'To be honest, I have no idea. This guy in a hoodie came up to me and stuck a needle in my arm…' She said with a carefree voice, but Spencer knew that she was just as scared as he was. 'I'm Allyson, but my friend's call me Ally, so I guess you can call me that.' Ally said, trying to lighten up the situation. She reminded him of Garcia.

'I'm Reid, I mean, you can call me Spencer.' He smiled half-heartedly, knowing it was his fault that she was here.

'Nice to meet you, Spencer' She smiled at him. 'Although I would have enjoyed it more if we weren't under these particular circumstances.' Ally stated sadly.

'I'm going to get you out of here, Ally, whatever it takes. I'm with the FBI. My team will find us and I will get you out of here, okay?' He said, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince her.

Ally nodded. Another sad smile crossed her face as she thought about the odds of that happening.

Reid was about to say something more when her saw the door fly open.

'Well, well, well. Making friends are we, Spencer?' he chuckled and looked towards Ally, who scowled as she wondered why the man who took her talked to Spencer so casually. 'No matter, I don't think she'd want to be your friend after she finds out that you're the reason why she is here.'

Ally was confused; she hadn't met either of the men before now.

Spencer already knew why. It didn't take a genius to figure out an FBI agent wont willingly hurt another victim.

'You see, Spencer. I know you. Even though you think I don't. I know that your team isn't looking for you, they don't even know your missing yet. I know you haven't visited your mother since May of last year. I know that you would knowingly run into danger to save somebodies life, which is how I got you here after all.' Ethan chuckled as if he was recalling a good memory. 'But I faced a problem. I knew nothing would stop you from fighting back once I had you. I needed a little… Leverage. And here we are.' Ethan gestured towards Ally, and walked over to her.

Ally didn't stop scowling at the man, that was until she found him walking towards her with a particularly pleased look on his face.

Ethan roughly grabbed her by the chin, he knew that it would leave purple marks.

Ally made a sound that was between a whimper and a growl at her attacker. The pain his rough hands were inflicting making her flinch. She thought he would break her jaw with the force that his hands were exerting.

Spencer continued to stare at Ethan, he tried to ignore the pain that he was inflicting on Ally.

Ally couldn't take his grip anymore; she yanked her head away and out of his hands. The look in his eyes was pure fury as he bought on large hand in the air and brought it, full force, down onto her face, sending Ally to the floor. He enjoyed the painful yelp that escaped her lips and continued setting his example. Kicking her in the stomach with metal toed boots produced his favourite whimper. He could only faintly hear Spencer yelling at him to stop.

'Stop! Ethan! She has nothing to do with this! It's me you want! Don't hurt her! Hurt me! Please!' He screamed. Ethan knew that this was as good as any physical torture to Spencer.

Ethan stopped kicking Ally and walked towards the door. Ally curled herself into a protective ball, coughing loudly. 'That is true Spencer, I do want you, and I intend on having you, but I thought we might have a little fun first.' Ethan closed the door.

Spencer could only faintly hear the lock click. He was more concentrated on Ally's laboured breathing. Spencer knew that in the end, it would be the leverage that killed him.


	3. Emotions and Choices

**Here we are! Chapter 3! **

**This is the chapter where stuff goes down... like bad stuff... like cover your eyes and ears stuff... :L**

**Contains RAPE...-but very mild, not very graphic at all.**

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**i hope you like this chapter, guys!**

It took a moment for what had just happened to register in Spencer's genius mind. Ally, the woman that reminded him of the happy and playful Garcia, was being held captive with him and was just brutally beaten right before his eyes and was now curled into a ball on the floor, wheezing. He mentally thanked whoever was watching that Ethan hadn't figured to tie him to the wall. As soon as he heard Ethan's rhythmic footsteps fade out of his ears, he practically lunged for Ally, while cradling his snapped arm and ignoring his heads protests.

'A-are you alright?' Spencer asked timidly, guilt over flowing in his voice as he tried to help her to lean against the wall in a sitting position. Spencer stopped as soon as he heard the hiss of a sharp intake of breath between her clenched teeth.

'Yeah,' Spencer winced at the pain that tainted her soft voice. 'I'm not dead if that's what you mean.' She answered playfully and managed a somewhat comforting smile between grimaces.

Spencer couldn't help but be surprised by her response. She didn't look like a very tough woman, but when Ethan mercilessly beat her, not one tear slid down her cheek. He felt a strange wave of admiration make itself known through all of the pain.

He soon realized that Ally was shaking and immediately took of his navy blue cardigan to help her keep warm. After all, they were trapped in a cold damp basement and spencer was wearing several layers, as he usually does, but Ally only had her now blood spattered t-shirt on her back, as well as her newly ripped jeans. Ally smiled at the gesture, thankfully. She was now positioned on the floor in the foetal position, protectively hugging her stomach which had taken most of the hits during the beating.

Spencer couldn't help but be worried; Ally's breathing was still pained and uneven and she was hugging her stomach as if she would fall to pieces at any moment. He only hoped that Ethan hadn't punctured one of her organs when he attacked her. A thought made its way known in his head. _Internal bleeding. _This thought shocked Spencer, if it was true, she wouldn't last long. _Average patient survival time for arterial bleed in pelvis due to injury of any of the major blood vessels- 6-8 hours depending on patient's hydration and food intake before incident. _Spencer recalled the words from his memory, as if he had only just read them. Ally had only displayed a few of the many symptoms, but the idea still plagued his mind; that is until it was interrupted.

'Wh-where are you from?' Ally asked, generally curious but Spencer knew she was trying to get her mind off of the pain.

'Las Vegas, well, uh, I live in Quantico now but, uh, I was born and raised here.' He smiled, clearly embarrassed by the childlike fumble of his words, despite the situation that they were in he still managed to add awkwardness to the atmosphere. _God, why don't you just twiddle your thumbs and ask her to be your valentine while you're at it, genius._ Reid shook his head at the belittling voice as he blushed, but instantly snapped his eyes closed as a wave of dizziness from his sudden movement set in.

Ally couldn't help but let a giggle slip between her lips, but as soon as she did she was instantly greeted with a wave of sharp white hot pain that travelled all over her body. She curled into herself even more.

Spencer could see Ally's distress and immediately tried to remedy it. He hesitantly placed a hand on her back and made soothing circular motions, hoping the pain would subside soon.

Ally couldn't help but be comforted by his hand on her back. She found herself attracted to him, despite her pain. His unruly hazelnut hair curled flawlessly around his strong features, big creamy brown eyes, petite nose and cutely juicy lips. His long slender fingers danced perfectly on along her backbone as his tall figure sat close, comforting her.

She slightly turned her head, looked him deep in the eyes and simply whispered. 'Thank you, Spencer.' A smile full of thankfulness but also understanding made its way to her beautiful face.

Spencer blushed but continued to comfort his pained company, selfishly happy that he was not alone in all of this. They sat in a comfortable silence and, despite their health conditions, both drifted off to a restless sleep on the cold concrete floor of their captor.

It had been hours since Ethan had attacked Ally, Spencer and Ally were both exhausted despite the hours of sleep they must have accumulated. Both hunger and dehydration clearly catching up on him as he couldn't calculate the exact amount of time Ethan had been away for. Judging by the light he could see streaming through the only window, it was around five in the afternoon. Spencer had already studied the surroundings outside the window as well, but came up short when all he found was greenery_. He must have a job of some sort, that's why he's not here, _Spencer thought_. _He was taken on Saturday night, they had spent over thirty six hours in this basement, it must be Monday. The team would have noticed. They were looking for him. With that knowledge, Spencer felt a spark of hope light inside him; but it was soon to be extinguished by the approaching steps.

Spencer promptly but softly woke up a dozing Ally. He knew he should have moved to his side of the room to show to Ethan that he didn't care about Ally, but he would be lying. He did care about her. Even though he had only just met her, he cared about her immensely and would not leave her alone.

The door was unlocked with a click and Ethan emerged, sporting an amused smile at his old friend's stance with his 'leverage'.

'Am I not invited to this party? How rude of you, Spencer.' He said mockingly. 'Although you never really did care about what others thought of you, right?'

His eyebrows were raised as if he was expecting an answer but Spencer was not going to play his games.

'What do you want, Ethan?' Spencer said, annoyed. Malnutrition was kicking in. 'If you are going to continue this little game of yours, we will need some food and water. Your _leverage _won't last a day without any.' Spencer mentally gritted his teeth as he saw, from the corner of his eyes, Ally's reaction to what he just said. 'Then what will stop me from running, Ethan? What will stop me from resisting to play your cruel games?'

Ethan was prepared for this. He knew he would need to feed his captives, but he didn't want them to get their way so easily. He had devised a game that Spencer had to play in order for the woman, that Spencer obviously cared for, and his self to survive. But that didn't stop Spencer's outburst from enraging him.

'Oh, Spencer.' Ethan spoke in a dangerously soft tone that made chills go down Spencer's spine. 'You never did know when to _SHUT UP!'_

He yelled the last words, causing Spencer's head to spin. He knew he shouldn't have pushed it with Ethan, and now he was going to pay for it.

Ethan approached Spencer deadly slow, but he didn't cower against the wall. He knew the physical pain that was about to hit; but that did nothing to prepare him for it.

Ethan suddenly grabbed a fistful of Spencer's brown locks and dragged him, with ease, to the other side of the room. Spencer struggled as best he could, but exhaustion and dehydration were biting at his heels, causing his struggle to compare to that of a tired kitten. He cringed in pain as Ethan slammed his head against the hard concrete floor, but he wouldn't let a whimper escape his chapped lips. He saw black spots appear in his vision, but he didn't let the darkness take him in.

A large hand instantly wrapped around Spencer's neck not giving him a chance to recover from the last blow. The hand tightened, choking him, and lifted Spencer of the cold floor. Reid was struggling uncontrollably as his 'fight or flight' response kicked in. He clawed at Ethan's strong hand that was slowly draining the life out of him. He kicked and swung his weight around; hoping that whoever was out there would make Ethan stop abusing his throat. His fight became weaker and weaker by the second. Spencer stopped hearing Ally's pained screams telling Ethan to let Spencer live. He slowly looked to her and saw a stray tear betray her eyes and fall down her cheek.

Spencer suddenly hit the ground and collapsed as his lungs greedily took in all the air they could get, no matter how badly his bruised trachea protested.

Ethan went out of Reid's sight for just a second and came back with a vial of clear liquid and a needle. By now Ally had crawled to Spencer's side trying to help him breath; but as soon as Spencer saw the vial, he felt the sheer horror rise in his stomach. _No. Dear God, no! not again! _Spencer's mind raced at the thought of using again. He couldn't survive addiction again. He couldn't disappoint Morgan, Emily, Hotch, Rossi, Garcia, JJ, or even Gideon by taking the deadly drug Ethan was approaching him with.

Ethan stopped walking and looked at him questioningly.

Spencer was confused beyond belief. He didn't know if it was the concussion he had or the fact that he nearly died for the second time in his life, but he didn't understand. That is until he saw the look in Ethan's hungry eyes. He started to walk excruciatingly slow, with a now predatory look in his eyes, towards them, Dilaudid in hand. Spencer could tell from the look in Ethan's eyes, he was going to rape Ally. Ethan knew it would hurt Spencer better than any physical pain. He instantly realized why the Dilaudid was there; it was his distraction, his cruel but welcoming escape.

As Ethan reached where the two were sitting, he spoke up in a soft but cruel voice. 'Pick.'

Ally was still in shock with what just happened to Spencer which was clearly shown when she didn't seem to have heard what Ethan had said.

'No.' Reid whispered. 'No. I… I can't. Please Ethan. Don't do this.' He pleaded to his old friend, hoping he wouldn't make him choose who got what torture.

'Then I will pick for you.' A cruel smile lit up his face. 'This is all entirely your fault, Spencer.' A tone of finality and truth filled Spencer's ears as Ethan quickly wrapped his arms around Ally's waist, while the other arm, holding the already prepared needle, injected the transparent liquid into Reid's arm before he could move.

Ally caught on a little too late. She tried to run to the still open door, but his disgusting grip was too strong. She couldn't hold it in anymore. Ally screamed and fought, ignoring the stomach pains that her fight instilled. She scratched at his arms and aimed for any open flesh she could see, but his vice-like grip didn't falter.

As Ethan began to drag Ally out of the room, Spencer couldn't let him take her without a fight. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, giving him strength. He lurched forward using all of the strength he had left before the Dilaudid took him and planted a harsh and surprisingly strong punch on Ethan's cheek. Spencer felt the flesh rip beneath the force of his fist. Although Ethan was taken aback by Spencer's attack, He didn't hesitate. Ethan whipped a quick fist out, back handing Spencer. Ally watched as he crumpled to the ground, barely conscious.

Ethan quickly locked the door with one hand and walked up stairs, holding Spencer's torture device around the waist. 'SPENCER! _Please!_ Anybody! Help me!' she screamed, pure fear in her voice.

Spencer could still hear Ally's shrills and cries as she was being carried up the stairs despite the drug starting to take its familiar hold. Slowly Reid's mind turned to mush. At that moment, a horrifying scream cut like a knife through Spencer's thoughts. _You did this. You couldn't protect her. _There was no stopping Ethan now. As Spencer Reid slowly lost consciousness, he heard grunts of pleasure that sickened him to his core. Reid finally welcomed the numbness and the disgusting grunts, weakened screams and the immense guilt were washed away by a wave of nothing.

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	4. Secrets and Guilt

Hey Guys,

This chapter isnt very whumpage-ey, *sighs* but i promise the next chapter will!

Reference to RAPE...

I hope you all enjoy this!

PLEASE REVIEW! it would be muchly appreciated!

Spencer lay on the cold concrete floor, reliving the fog of the drug that nearly ruined his life previously. Hours had passed since the drug had worn off, but Spencer didn't try to move for the fear of all the pain; he didn't try to open his eyes for the fear of what he would see. Although he did listen for a sign, any sign that Ethan would return with Ally.

Spencer had recalled what had previously happened before he was drugged only a couple of minutes after his brain was relieved of the drugs fog. As soon as that had happened, all of his emotions returned. The fear. The helplessness. The immense guilt that wracked his brain was more intense than any of the pain that his body was experiencing. For the first time since he was kidnapped, he let a silent sob escape his lips. _How could you let this happen? It's all your fault. All of it. _Reid tried as hard as he could to push those harsh thoughts out of his mind. _You let Ethan rape her. She wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. He raped her because of you. _Obviously, he was fighting a losing battle as the thoughts attacked his brain, wave by wave. The guilt becoming larger and larger with each menacing second; that is until it was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps. Reid tried to ignore the unmistakeable sound of something being dragged. No, not something, _someone. _That someone would have to be Ally.

The definite sound of a lock and key made Reid's heart stop. He would have to face the source of his guilt. Reid still hadn't opened his eyes, let alone moved a muscle since he was drugged. He decided against doing so now. He didn't know if he could control his anger towards Ethan and he knew, if he didn't, it would only lead to more pain.

The door opened, he heard footsteps approach the centre of the small concrete basement and a thud. _It must be a body_ Reid mused. An evil thought suddenly hit him. He said _body _implying that whoever was dropped on the damp floor was now deceased. _No._ He forced the thought out of his mind. Anyway, why wouldn't Ethan just dump her body on the streets instead of leaving it in here with him? He couldn't stop his logical mind from listing the reasons. _So there would be no evidence to give his team. So the team didn't find out he had taken her as well. So he could inflict more torture on Reid by leaving the dead decomposing body of his friend with him. _Fear started to swell in Spencer's mind until he heard the unmistakeable scuttle of a scared human being. _Ally. _

Reid waited until he heard the lock on the door click shut before he opened his eyes. Although he was in darkness, his head still thundered as if a torch was being shone directly through the sockets of his eyes and into his brain. His throat was a raging fire of hurt which he soon discovered when he tried to swallow. His arm ached uncontrollably. His stomach was screaming at him for some food or water. Spencer quickly forgot all of the pain as soon as he realized why he had opened his eyes in the first place. _Ally._ He had to see if she was alright. Reid groaned uncontrollably as he made his way up into a sitting position and his body protested every movement he performed. Reid ignored the protests and looked around the pitch black room. He knew his eyes would get used to the darkness soon enough. He pushed back his fear of the inherent absence of light and slowly crawled towards what he thought was the centre of the room.

Each step caused white hot pain to attack every cell in his body. He stopped as he started to pant. The short crawl of nearly half a metre had tired him out completely. He winced as the air made its way down his throat and into his thankful lungs. When he opened his eyes after his breathing had returned relatively normal, he knew his eyes were now used to the darkness. He saw a small form, curled into a ball in the corner of the basement. Reid could see from here that she was missing her t-shirt and jeans, leaving her, freezing, in her underwear. _At least she is alive. _He thought as he made his way, very slowly, to the shaking girl. _Yeah, but at the cost of her innocence. _He retorted, the guilt was even present in his thoughts.

He grabbed his cardigan that was previously strewn on the floor on his way over. He reached out and placed it over Ally's knees. Ally flinched but as soon as she saw who it was, she smiled an embarrassed smile.

'Th-thanks, Sp-spencer.' she said as she tightened the cardigan around her features. She winced at the movement.

Spencer couldn't help but notice her pain. He thought it must be from… from what Ethan did to her. He was too afraid to speak.

A moment passed before she spoke again. 'It's not your fault, Spencer.' She said, truth resounding in her now croaky voice. She saw that spencer was about to protest but she continued. 'What… What he… Ethan did to …me; it is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself.' Her voice was shaky as she spoke. Ally knew that asking for Spencer not to blame himself was like asking a songbird not to sing but she did it anyway. 'Please. You will only be doing… Ethan… a favour by blaming yourself.' Ally looked into Spencer's solemn eyes as she said this; trying so hard not to give in to the pain that she was feeling herself.

Spencer knew that she was right, but he didn't trust his voice to speak.

Ally couldn't bare the silence. She was just about to speak a third time but was unable as she felt bile rise in her throat.

The sudden movement jolted Spencer out of his guilt dazed state. He heard the horrid sound of heaving coming from Ally and unthinkingly placed his hand on her back comfortingly. He continued to paint imaginary circles until he saw the blood.

Ally looked down expecting to see the remainder of whatever food she had left in her stomach but wasn't greeted by that sight. Instead she saw a puddle of bright red blood in front her, still dripping from her mouth.

Spencer watched as her face turned pale and she fell on her back with a whimper of pain. His brain was in overdrive. _Symptoms of Internal bleeding-Vomiting blood. Abdominal pain and/or swelling Light-headedness, dizziness, or fainting. A large area of deeply purple skin. Swelling, tightness, and pain. Headache and loss of consciousness. _

'Ally? Ally I need you to listen to me. Okay? Ally?' Spencer demanded as he moved over to where she fell. His voice was filled with worry.

'oh-okay.' She groaned, clutching her stomach, clearly in agonizing pain.

Spencer mentally ticked off the first symptom from the list, knowing that she was experiencing severe abdominal pain, and moved on to the second.

'Are you feeling light headed or dizzy at all?' Reid questioned, ignoring the protests his head was making at his sudden movements.

Ally nodded.

_Tick._

'Have you had any extreme headaches?' Spencer knew that this symptom could be confused with the lack of food and water they both have had, but he asked it anyway.

Another nod.

_Tick._

Spencer had left this symptom until last, he knew that she wouldn't want to do what he asked after her most recent encounter with Ethan.

'Ally, I need you to lie flat on the ground, please.' Reid said, as soft as he could, knowing her reaction.

Fear instilled in Ally's eyes. She knew Spencer wouldn't do anything like what Ethan had done, but that didn't help her nerves. As she nodded, a deep blush crept upon her cheeks from revealing her half naked body to somebody she had only known for two days.

Spencer smiled a reassuring smile as she uncurled her legs from her chest.

Ally closed her eyes, knowing what spencer would see, knowing what she was trying to hide.

'I… I'm sorry.' She whispered as she felt his gaze.

Spencer's eyes fell upon her deeply bruised stomach and he froze. He ignored the deep purple hand prints on her upper thighs but he knew they would be forever imprinted on his mind. The dark purple shade of her skin spread from her rib cage to her lower abdomen, darkening at the centre. He was suddenly glad that Ally had her eyes tightly shut as a heavy tear leaked from his pained eyes.


	5. Secrets And Guilt (continuation)

**Hey guys!**

**I thought that my last chapter was kinda sappy, so i added this to the end to make it more interesting and less of a bore.**

**im adding it as a new chapter because some of you have already read Secrets And Guilt and i wouldnt want you to get confused when i upload the next chapter.**

**ENJOY! and please review! :)**

He was suddenly glad that Ally had her eyes tightly shut as a heavy tear, even though he was not sure how his body had summoned the fluid, leaked from his pained eyes. Spencer said nothing and allowed her to sit up against the wall after the pain in her stomach had subsided.

'Hey, a-at least-t I'm not dead, right?' Ally joked. Trying to lighten up the situation, but she failed when Spencer didn't reply.

Spencer slowly and painfully got to his feet and hobbled to the only window in the room. He might have missed something. A way to escape. A clue to their whereabouts. Even just to find out what time it is. As he looked out the window, he could faintly see light beginning to show through the cracks of all of the trees surrounding their prison. The sun usually rises in Las Vegas at five fifty one. Ethan drugged him at around five yesterday afternoon, so with the sun just rising, that meant that they had spent another 12 hours with Ethan. And another 12 hours with Ethan meant the team must have got something by now. They had to. Aside from all of the hunger pains, deep in Spencer's gut, he could feel a mixture of two emotions. Hope and Dread. The team would find them soon, it was Tuesday after all, but what would Ethan have done to them by then? Would they even be alive? Reid knew that he had survived all statistical odds having made it to his third day, he also realized that Ally had survived her odds by making it past the eight hour mark with internal bleeding.

Reid looked back towards Ally only to find that she was sleeping. From the pale complexion of her skin he would have thought that she was dead but the steady rise and fall of her chest assured Reid otherwise. He slumped down against the wall under the window and prepared to get whatever sleep he could when he heard the same paralyzing noise coming from outside the door; footsteps.

Ethan unlocked the door at a very slow pace, imagining the terror he was inflicting on poor Spencer. He smiled at his discomfort. He opened the door to find a rather surprising sight. Reid was sitting alone, on the other side of the room, while the girl sat curled into herself next to a puddle of what Ethan thought was blood.

'I let you stay in my humble abode and you make a mess?' Ethan made a disapproving noise with his tongue. 'Where are your manners, Spencer?' He smiled the same horror inducing, teeth filled grin at Spencer, completely ignoring Ally.

Spencer hesitated as he tried to even out the anger in his voice.

'We need some food, Ethan. We won't last another day without any water either.' Spencer kept his voice even, trying to persuade Ethan. 'Please.' The words tasted like bile coming out of Spencer's mouth.

Ethan sighed. 'I told you, Spencer, you have to play a little game with me first.' He smiled the same gut wrenching smile.

Spencer didn't want to trust Ethan but it was his last hope of getting Ally and himself some nutrition.

'Okay.' Reid said, his voice sounded stronger then he was. 'As long as no harm will come to Ally.' Reid knew he was not in the position to bargain, but to his surprise Ethan nodded.

'Cross my heart, Spencer.' He said in a demeaning but truthful voice as he left the room to gather the props for his game.

Spencer was surprised by two things. First, Ally had not stirred once since Ethan entered the room, and second, Ethan had returned holding a heavy looking bag and a chess set. The bag made a metallic thump as it hit the ground, making Spencer's head sting and dread boil in the pit of his stomach.

'Now,' Ethan began as he set up the board. 'This is no ordinary game of chess. As I promised, no harm will come to your little friend in the corner, but I cannot say the same for you. With each single piece that you lose, pain will follow. The more important the piece, the higher the cost for you, Spencer.' Ethan let a grin attach to his face as he saw Spencer's eyes fill with fear. 'If you win, you get your food and water. But, if I win… let's just say you will face another _choice_.' Ethan gestured towards the now set up chess board and pieces.

'Now, let's play.' A familiar smile reached Ethan's lips once more, it was the same one he used when he took Spencer, the same skin crawling demonic grin when he took Ally from the basement. Nothing good ever followed that smile, and Spencer knew that this time would be no different.


	6. Chess

**Hey guys!**

**This chapter is heading towards the end of the story, it gets a bit gruesome!**

**Sorry it took so long, i kind of lost my motivation for a while... but thanks to****_ xxxDrSpencerReidxxx_****'s review, i got it back!**

**ANYWAY... thanks for reading guys!**

**Dont forget to reveiw pretty please?**

**Here it is!**

Through the drowsy haze of dehydration, Spencer's mind was in overdrive. Fear being the dominant thought. He tried to push them aside so he could focus on the Chess game that would determine his and Ally's fate but he was quite rudely interrupted when a glint of silver light pierced through his sockets making Spencer hurriedly cradle his aching mind in his slender hands.

'But first, Spencer, I think you need a little, shall we say… incentive.' Ethan spoke ever so softly; his voice floating into Reid's ears as he mockingly dangled something metal before Spencer's eyes.

Reid didn't have time to even flinch when he watched a blurry-looking Ethan crucify his legs. He couldn't hold back the throat ripping scream that was unleashed from between his already slightly parted lips as he felt the painfully blunt objects make their agonizingly slow descent to Reid's femoral bones. A cold sweat broke from his forehead and slid down his face as he tilted his head downwards only to see two rusted metal screwdriver's crookedly penetrating his thighs. _Great, now I need a tetanus shot, too. _Spencer thought as he fought the blackness that swarmed at the corners of his vision. He needed to stay awake. He had to play Ethan's game to survive, no matter how much pain it caused him. _I promised I would get her out of here alive. He will not break me. _

Spencer slowly and painfully widened his brown eyes to look Ethan directly in his.

'…Are we going to… play… or wh… what?' Spencer teased in between the pain induced panting coming from his mouth.

'Being a smart ass will get you nowhere, Spencer.' Ethan said in a noticeably different and low voice as he swung a bulky fist out to hook Reid square in the cheek. He smiled as the crack echoed through the tiny basement.

Spencer's head whipped back, sending sharp white pain to his already pained body, especially the screwdrivers that Reid could feel hovering above his bone. His muscles protested the sudden forced movement, but Spencer didn't regret it. _His demeanour has transformed, _Spencer realized. _He is quick to anger now, whereas he was calm in previous attacks. _As he came to his conclusion, the previous spark of hope in his gut turned into a healthy flame. _He is rushing the attacks. The team must be on to him. _

Reid slowly turned his head back to face Ethan, a plan hatched in his brain. He has to stall him, so the team will find them alive. Reid knew that after this measly game of chess, they would both be mercilessly slaughtered. Stalling was his only option.

As he turned he stole a glance towards the now conscious, half naked woman trembling in fear, arms wrapped around her torso as she watched the scene play out before her eyes. He was giving up on his act towards Ally now. He smiled a split second sad smile toward the still beautiful woman. Ally just stared, pained and petrified that she would soon witness Spencer's death.

'Now,' Ethan growled, his voice becoming impossibly low. 'Begin, before I break my promise.' The glance at Ally obviously not going unnoticed.

Reid didn't hesitate to perform the first move of the match. He chose to move one of his many pawns with his broken arm resting on the unharmed part of his lap.

Ethan smiled at Spencer's move and watched him like a hawk. Ethan was next to move, he did the same.

'So, when did you realize?' Spencer asked, his voice was uncharacteristically strong.

'Realize what, Spencer?' Ethan replied nonchalantly, as if the situation wasn't dire in the slightest.

'That you were obsessed with me.' Spencer stated casually, trying to hide the fear of Ethan's reaction in his voice as he moved another white piece towards the centre of the checked board. He was pleasantly surprised when he didn't feel another left hook attack his cheek.

'Who say's I'm obsessed with you, Spencer? I could be some deranged murderer that just happened to be your friend.' He chuckled. 'Please enlighten me.' Ethan retorted as he moved another pawn, the softness a hidden dagger in his voice.

Reid pushed past the pain that was ravaging his body; the aching, throbbing, stabbing, and scratching all over his being. Despite the small, but swelling, puddle of crimson on the floor, Spencer was able to string his explanation together quite successfully.

'The odds of the latter are highly unlikely; nearer impossible seeing as I would notice a mentally ill person when I see one, and that is what ultimately made me notice your behaviour.' Reid spoke in a firm voice that he had just realized he had. 'When I first discovered it was you who had taken me, I quickly strung a theory together. It wasn't that hard. You're not as unpredictable as you think.' Reid continued as he moved one of his white knight's into the playing field. 'I first realized something was wrong with you when you left the academy after the first day of training. An eidetic memory comes in handy when you're personally involved. I observed your body language as we were getting briefed on what we needed in order to become a cop… As they talked about the psych eval, your arms crossed over your chest, defensively, which tells me that even you knew you were not going to pass. You knew something was wrong with you.' Spencer watched Ethan moved one his rook's, stopping just short of Spencer's knight. 'I was partially convinced that you were envious of me too, I had the highest theory test scores in the class, I remember yours being just below mine, even though we only met for the short time of orientation and training…'

'Stop.' Ethan said, his voice wavering with a slight anger as he watched Spencer continue to talk as he took one of Ethan's pawns.

'The only reason I didn't report you to the academy was because I had no substantial evidence, and you left right before I found any. Now, I knew then that you were definitely mentally ill, but I didn't know what you would do, but by taking me and Ally and murdering an innocent right before my eyes, I came to the conclusion that you are an obsession based killer. You could have killed me right then and there, and you would have gotten away with it. You want to make me suffer by kidnapping another innocent human being and torturing her. But you wouldn't kill unless you considered it necessary. You killed the other woman to get my attention, but you don't see it necessary to kill Ally yet. You had to wait until she meant something to me, right? So then it would hurt more?' Reid questioned, his one getting harder and harder. He watched as Ethan toyed with his bishop, angrily. 'You did all those things to hurt me, but you haven't just killed me_. You_ are obsessed by _your_ jealousy of _my _life that _you_ could have been living. You needed to eliminate the threat, but make me suffer first. You showed me these things about you, Ethan. You didn't stop staring at me when we met up in New Orleans. You talked to me as if you knew everything about me and your voice was deadly soft. You knew about my visiting schedule with my mother. You stalked me. This and the fact that almost whenever you speak to me you add my name into the sentence proves my theory. You are _obsessed_, Ethan.' Reid stared at Ethan, long after his explanation had finished. He was leaning towards unconsciousness again. As soon as Ethan spoke, Reid knew he would not finish the game. Ethan was deadly calm.

'Correct on all counts, Spencer. Although, I am a little disappointed that you will not be able to finish our game. You will be too… grieved to hear of the loss of your dear friend, Abby was it?'

Anger interlaced the pain in his veins as he watched Ethan walk, at the agonizingly slow pace, towards Ally with a glinting knife in his bulky hands. Although he could only slightly hear the sounds of five or six people upstairs that must be his team, he knew that they wouldn't get to the basement in time to save Ally. Reid knew what he had to do. Despite all the pain it caused, Spencer lunged with all of his strength at Ethan. But at the last minute, Ethan twisted around; knife ever so present in his hands, caught Spencer and then tumbled onto the rough concrete.

Reid grunted in pain as he felt the screwdriver's in his legs insert deeper due to the force of the fall. The bone splintered and a sickeningly loud crack echoed, sending a new white hot tsunami of unbearable pain through his body. The grunt transformed to a shrill as he felt a new weight on top of his now bruised ribs.

Ethan sat atop Spencer's chest, examining the sharp utensil in his hand. 'Spencer, I didn't cut you, did I?' Ethan asked, already knowing the answer.

Spencer shook his head slightly.

'Then whose blood must this be?' Ethan's voice was deadly soft again. He licked the bright blood off of the utensil as he watched Spencer squirm with realization.

Reid looked to his side and saw a bright red, deep, diagonal gash oozing blood from Ally's chest. She was still alive but, judging from the amount of blood, she wouldn't be for too much longer. A new anger raged through him. He looked towards Ethan, who was now preparing to plunge the blade into Spencer's chest, with the rage in his eyes. Reid managed to manoeuvre his unbroken arm around Ethan, without him noticing, and got a firm hold of the screwdriver sticking out of his right leg. He sighed, knowing how this would end.

Everything happened at once.

Metal tore into unrelenting flesh.

Screams sounded.

Bright flashes lit up the darkness.

Chests stopped rising.

And, in the end, only one heart remained beating.

**Oooooh cliff hanger! :P**

**PURDY PLEASE REVIEW**!


	7. Checkmate

**Hey! this is the second to last chapter! WOOOP WOOOP! thanks you guys for sticking with me for my first fanfiction EVER!**

**Your reveiws have been encouraging and i hope to make some more stories! **

**This chapter may get a bit confusing, but please reveiw so i know how badly i did! :L **

**ENJOY! :)**

'Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.' –unknown

Spencer had always enjoyed photographs; although he hated having his taken. When he was a boy, it fascinated him how one moment could be captured, forever unchanging. No matter what changed in his reality, pictures were forever frozen, perfect. But at the moment his reality seemed like a photograph being taken vigorously slowly. His eyes registered events piece by piece, picture by picture. That, at least, put him at ease.

As Reid stared into the determined, rage-filled brown eyes of his former friend, he couldn't help but let his thoughts wander to his team and what they would do if he survived this; the odds were uncomfortably against him. His grip tightened on the screwdriver launched in his leg as he let his memories swarm his vision momentarily.

_Hotch would smile, one of his rare heart-warming smiles that barely crossed his face anymore and may even place a gentle hand on his shoulder._

_Rossi would nod quietly, the proudness and approval overwhelming his dark eyes; a glad smile may glint across his face._

_Prentiss would give him a firm squeeze, her face smiling but her eyes telling the real story of how much she actually cared for him._

_JJ wouldn't hesitate to pull him in for a gentle hug, tears in her eyes as she held his hand comfortingly while throwing in the occasional 'Spence…'._

_Derek would playfully hit him over the shoulder and ruffle his hair, but his feelings would show through his eyes, caring and pride prevalent in them._

_Garcia would kiss him fully on the cheeks and, unable to contain herself, let her tears fall across her cheeks. A bear hug would certainly be necessary._

Spencer mentally smiled. A brief glint in his eyes as a lone tear travelled down his sunken cheeks at the thoughts of what he would miss.

_Snapshot._

Without another hesitation, Reid yanked the rusted screwdriver from his femur. Spencer, ignoring the white stabs of pain as his blood began to flow freely from the now unblocked hole in his femoral artery, plunged the screwdriver upwards under Ethan's ribcage, piercing his lungs.

_Snapshot_.

Ethan tried to scream, but the air had already escaped his pierced lung, weakening it to a gasp of pain. As he realized what Spencer had done, his final betrayal, Ethan raised the blade of the knife above Spencer's chest. He bent his head down towards Reid's ear and used the last of his breath.

'Checkmate.'

_Snapshot._

Reid braced himself for the blade to enter his body, and glanced over to where Ally was lying on the floor, barely conscious, and smiled a reassuring smile. Ally tried to scream as she watched the knife slice through the tense, heavy air in the basement, but couldn't as the blood began to fill her throat.

_Snapshot, battery dead_.

Reid could only slightly feel the weight on bruised ribs disappear. Only to be replaced by what his mind slowly realized were compressions. Each one sending sparks of pain through his cells. As the blackness retreated, His, not quite seeing, eyes were on Ally's now convulsing body as the blood flowed out of her mouth. As his hearing slowly came back to him, he realized somebody was trying to talk to him.

'Reid… Reid! Look at me! You're going to be fine, the medics are on their way. Hold on for me, please!'

Morgan's voice made Reid turn his head. His whole team was now in the basement with him. He looked to the side and saw Ethan's now unseeing eyes looking at him; a bullet hole through his temple. _Did I just die?_

Everything came rushing back to Reid now. The pain. _Oh god, make it stop! Morgan… Morgan, help her! Help Ally! _Reid started to get up. He needed to help Ally. _She's dying! I promised her… please… _Spencer felt Morgan's as well as several other pairs of hands on top of him, pushing him down.

'No! Let me go! I have to get to her… I promised!' Reid yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice strained as he tried to ignore the pain of his arm and throat and head; the sinking feeling as the blood was leaving his body. He was extremely surprised that his brain was able to form sentences, seeing as he died for the second time in his life only moments ago.

Reid pushed with all of his lasting strength over to Ally, despite the various hands pulling him back.

'Ally? Ally listen to me, keep your eyes open…' He said as he pressed his right hand to Ally's gash on her chest.

'Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Ally? Okay? Squeeze my hand… that's it.' Reid felt her hand squeeze around his broken one with what must have been all her strength but it only hurt faintly compared to everything else his body had been subjected to.

'Where's the medic!?' Reid all but screamed, he felt the foreign hands on his bleeding leg, trying to stop the bleeding. Reid searched around the room for the paramedic's when he suddenly realized that Prentiss and JJ were also trying to help Ally.

Ally moaned in pain as she felt what must have been three pairs of hands on her bleeding abdomen. She tried to ignore the panic that was setting in her mind as she thought back to the advances that Ethan had made on her, instead she kept her heavy eyes on Spencer. Through the haziness he looked awfully pale, more than when she first met him. His normally beautiful wide eyes were pained; his slender neck was dark purple with bruises. The hand she was meant to be squeezing was bent at awkward angles and his soft voice sounded so raw. She also noted the fast swelling pool of red crimson surrounding his right leg.

'H-hey, a-at least-t I'm not-t dead y-yet. Right?' Ally added a strained smile towards Spencer, speaking made the pain that much more real.

'Yeah, t-that's r-right. J-just keep looking at-t me. Ally… Ally!?' His tone got more urgent as he watched Ally's eyes flutter closed.

He only vaguely saw the paramedics rush over to them, shock but determination in their eyes. They immediately began CPR on the bloodied female.

Spencer watched in horror as the medics worked on Ally, his exhaustion was catching up on him, biting at his heels. At least he thought it was exhaustion. Unconsciousness seemed so welcoming. But he had to stay awake; he couldn't leave Ally alone through this. He realized he was losing the battle when he felt his head make a beeline for the floor, only to be let down easily by Hotch's gentle hands.

Reid tilted his head to the side, staring as Ally's body jerked with each compression. As his eyes slowly fluttered closed, he could barely hear the strained protests of his team. The final thing Spencer saw was his and Ally's bloodied hands, still hanging on to one another, before the devilish shade of darkness welcomed him with open arms, sweeping him into unconsciousness.

PLEASE REVEIW GORGEOUS REIDERS! pun :P :D


	8. Doubt

**Hey Guys, **

**Sorry this is quite a short chapter! i had to end it there otherwise i would end up being up until 7 in the morning! I will update as soooooon as i can! im not sure what to do with Ally though... ho hum! :) Thanks for reading and...**

**PLEASE REVEIW! :) xx**

Waking up; it's always the hardest part, and despite Spencer's genius mind, it was still hard for him to open his eyes. If talking made the pain more real, Reid did not want to experience the part of opening his eyes; facing the reality of his pain. The ever so welcoming comfort of darkness was calling him; and he was obeying.

- The Team's POV-

Derek had lost his sight for a millisecond when he first entered his friend's hell hole where he had lived in for the last 3 days. He was startled for a moment as he registered how much his mind had recalled since the very instant intake of the basement. The larger man visually swept the room and what he saw surprised the experienced profiler. The smell coming from the mixture of blood and human waste smacked him head on. He was not surprised by the lack of light or the various weapons lying on the concrete floor; but the chess board positioned in the middle of the room. _What? Did he kidnap Reid just to play a game of Chess? What is this crazy son of a bitch tryna do?_ Finally he his mind came to the more important aspect. Reid and Allyson. He saw the normally curvaceous Allyson lying exhaustedly in a pool of what he thought was blood mixed with stomach contents, barely conscious. Her now skinny physique was curled in on itself, nursing a deep and bleeding gash on her abdomen. He could tell from the bruising on her legs that she had been brutally raped. Then he saw two figures positioned close to the wall where they had entered through the metal door. One was sitting atop the other, holding a knife in the air with the intent of using it on whoever who was under him. _Ethan._ Derek didn't need to look to know that the mangled, skinny frame underneath Ethan was his best friend. His left arm was obviously broken, his left leg had a screwdriver driven through it and his right femoral artery was starting to bleed heavily. He noticed Reid's heavily bruised neck and face, knowing that, by the awkward angle his usually prominent cheekbone was positioned, it was broken. Rage fuelled him as he lifted up his Glock, tightened his grip, and flexed his finger; sending off a life ending bullet to the monster that was sitting on top of his best friend, no, his brother, who was about to steal Reid's life from him.

Ethan slid off of the now unconscious Reid, dead. _Good. _Morgan thought as he ran over to Spencer, his hand already searching for a pulse on his lifeless friend sprawled in front of him. He noticed JJ and Prentiss run over to Allyson but his mind was wiped when he found he didn't feel a thump of blood rushing through the young doctor's veins.

'We need a medic in here! Now! Reid… Reid… C'mon don't do this to me, man!' Morgan spoke softly to him as he began CPR on his young friend. The overwhelming sense of Déjà vu present as everyone recalled the Hankel case.

Rossi was standing in the corner, shock washing over him as he saw Morgan perform CPR on his colleague. He knew there was nothing he could do, so he stayed out of the way and witnessed the horrors unfolding.

As soon as he heard the heavenly sound, relief waved over the unit chief; a rough coughing fit escaped Reid's now lively lips as he breathed air into his abused lungs.

'Reid… Reid! Look at me! You're going to be fine; the medics are on their way. Hold on for me, please!' Hotch heard Morgan comfort the young doctor and he watched Reid slowly turn his head to see the voice that was calling to him.

He didn't miss the solemn look in his face as he looked to his left and saw his captor's dead eyes staring back. He was about to check on the condition of Allyson, the other hostage that they found was taken at exactly the same place as Reid, when his thoughts were interrupted by a struggling Spencer.

Hotch tried as Spencer started to struggle when he and Morgan tried to push the moving Reid back onto his back and was amazed by his being able to even move after… dying.

'No! Let me go! I have to get to her… I promised!' Reid tried to yell, but it turned out as a louder rasp.

Morgan witnessed as Reid got loose of his colleagues pushing hands and crawled slowly towards his fellow captive, grimacing with each movement. It was around then that Morgan finally remembered the heavy bleeding leaking from his thigh; leaving a blood trail between him and the short distance to Allyson. He immediately jumped over to Spencer and forcefully placed a hand on his punctured thigh to slow the bleeding. He and Hotch were too focused on the boys bleeding to worry about what he was saying; actually it was more like slurring.

Hotch hadn't noted Rossi's absence until he returned with a pair of paramedics. The two immediately went over to the bloodied female, realized she now had no pulse and began the rigorous CPR ritual. Hotch looked over to Spencer, momentarily taking his eyes off of the dying woman in front of him and he noticed Spencer's creamy brown eyes slide shut momentarily; he had just enough time to cradle Reid's head before he managed to hit the ground. He watched as his colleague looked to his side and took in his fellow captives demeanour before his eyes slid closed in a more permanent unconsciousness.

'Reid! Reid, look at me! Reid!' Hotch all but calmly said, his normally even voice wavering with emotion; his eyes gliding across the room.

Prentiss had a comforting but bloodied hand upon the shoulder of a teary but wide-eyed JJ, practically hugging her. Prentiss' own eyes held unshed tears as she watched her colleague's condition worsen.

Rossi had been drawn closer as he saw the second pair of paramedics enter the room and approach Hotch, panic accessing his features.

Morgan sat beside his unconscious friend; bloodied hands limp at his sides as he watched the paramedics work. Deep despair showing throughout the profiler's physique.

JJ drew comfort from her colleague and friend's subtle gesture of care. Her pooled tears threatened to fall as she felt her blood soaked hands begin to dry.

Hotch was as stone faced as ever, he knew he needed to stay strong for the team, for Reid. He couldn't show the guilt and pain that was building up inside him; he couldn't crack.

He soon witnessed the two be pronounced as in a stabled enough condition for transport and watched as the pair of captives were loaded into separate ambulances.

'Morgan, you ride with Reid. Rossi, you with Alyson. The rest of us, we'll take my SUV.'

As the team disbanded, they all couldn't help the overwhelming sense of doubt that reached their minds. The doubt that their colleague and friend, Dr. Spencer Reid, would or even could survive this.

**Reveiw! YES that does include you, Guest Readers! (thanks to the Guest reader that reveiwed just before! LOVE IT!) Will hopefully be on again soon, guys! Thanks for reading! xx**


	9. Deja Vu

**First of all, i am soooooo SORRY! My parents decided it would be 'fun' to take me away on holiday... away from all capable services of internet... so i couldnt update! PLEASE DONT HATE ME ;) Second of all i still cant make my mind up about Allyson... :P**

**ENJOY!**

He swore every part of his body was in agony, not one bit was spared from the raging white hot pain. His only solace was the gentle hand holding his; but slowly, the nothingness crept up on him again. The numbness taking his only solace as he slipped from life. He welcomed the release from the unrelenting pain his body had felt only moments ago, and was taken into the grip of a memory.

_He was walking, extremely slowly. Sweat had started to glisten on his brow and his heart rate sped uncontrollably. Reid was actually extremely excited to meet his new superior, and mentor, Jason Gideon, but at the same time he was painstakingly nervous. _What if I knock on his door and he tells me to go away? What if I enter and I trip over my own feet? What if he doesn't like me? _Spencer's genius mind was ravelling with horrible scenarios to which he would be forever humiliated in front of his mentor. He tried to push the thoughts out of his mind as he came to the door to his office. As he lifted his hand to knock he was interrupted._

_'Come in.' the rugged voice spoke. Spencer hesitated, he hadn't been this nervous since he wrote his first letter to his mother. Reid shook his head, he refused to let his memories cloud his demeanour at this moment._

_'Hi.' Was all he could manage as he walked into Jason Gideon's office._

_'Who are you?' Gideon asked, no particular emotion in his voice._

_'Oh, I uh, sorry Gideon… uh I mean sir... uh, oh I mean supervisory special agent Jason Gideon, I'm uh Spencer Reid, I'm the new agent that's been selected for the BAU trial and I was just introducing myself…to you.' Reid mentally kicked himself as he started to fumble over his own words._

_Gideon finally looked up from his chess game, and examined the man before him. A tall thin man with a lanky frame stood before him. He wore an oversize stripy sweater atop of a collared shirt and tie with slacks. The man couldn't have been older than 25. His unruly chestnut hair hung around his youthful eyes as he saw Reid look at his feet. He then looked back towards his chess game._

_Reid noticed the man's sceptical examination of him and was about to leave when he noticed the chess game before Gideon._

_'I see checkmate in five.' Reid said, not really thinking. _

_Gideon looked up again, this time staring him in the eye, judging his character._

_Noticing his eye contact, Reid quickly retreated and did the only thing he did when he was nervous, repeat statistics._

_'Did you know that a chess board contains 64 squares arranged in an eight-by-eight grid. It is one of the world's most popular games, played by millions of people worldwide at home, in clubs, online, by correspondence, and in tournaments. Actually the Romans…'_

_'Checkmate in three.' Gideon stated simply. _

_'What?' Reid said, staring at the board, trying to work out any possible way that he could be right._

_Gideon ended the game in three moves, and looked at the boy in front of him._

_'Do you play?' Gideon asked, already knowing the answer._

_Reid nodded and Gideon motioned for him to sit._

Reid mentally smiled at the memory, but a voice interrupted him once more.

'Reid, come on man! Fight it! You're stronger than you think! Reid!'

_ Morgan... _Reid groaned as the waves of pain hit him, one by one; but Spencer refused to give up, he couldn't leave him. He couldn't leave Hotch, JJ, Emily, Rossi or Garcia. He clawed his way through the various tsunamis' of pain to the surface, back to his life; back to his family.

'He's back.' An unknown female voice stated; relief obvious through her voice.

The ambulances arrived seconds apart at the emergency entrance of the hospital. Reid was the first to be wheeled out and through the stark white walls of the emergency department, unconscious, and was headed to the OR. Allyson's gurney soon followed Reid's path. Morgan tried to follow the gurney's through the 'staff only' doors but a gentle hand on his shoulder veered him into the nearby waiting room; a place he had come to hate over the many visits.

Rossi was already sitting in one of the blatantly uncomfortable chairs, when Morgan slowly walked through the waiting room doors, Rossi stood, and concern plastered the older man's features.

'How is he?' Rossi asked, his voice mirroring his concerned features.

'… We lost him, Rossi… For nearly a whole minute… He died, right there in front of me.' Morgan said as he remained standing but no eye contact was given.

'Morgan, he's alive now, and that's all that matters. He will make it.' Rossi's voice was gentle, trying to convince himself as well as Morgan.

Morgan just grunted in response, but refused to sit down.

A couple of minutes later, Hotch and the rest of the team arrived in the private waiting room.

'How are they?' Hotch asked, his voice was as unemotional as his features.

'Alive. They are both being taken up to the OR. Allyson doesn't look very good, she was obviously raped. I don't know If she will come out of this or not.' His voice wavered slightly, his eyes seemed haunted by the young woman's pain. 'All we can do now is wait.' Rossi stated, his voice full of truth as he sat back down.

'…And Reid?' JJ asked as she placed a bloodied hand on her chest like she was trying to ease the pain.

'He… died, before. He doesn't look so good either.' Morgan stated as he sat and ran his hands over his face tiredly.

Hotch nodded, and silently took the seat next to Rossi.

'I uh… I need to wash my hands…' JJ's voice wavered as she looked at the dried blood covering her hands and she exited the room. Emily soon followed, the blood on her own hands needed to disappear too.

Hours had passed.

Morgan had gotten up from his seat and started to pace, his fists were clenched.

JJ was hugging her knees to her chest in her chair, worry present in her watery eyes as she stared into nothing.

Emily sat straight and still, trying to distance herself from the situation. Her eyes told a different story.

Rossi was positioned casually in his chair, his eyes not really seeing the words on the page of the magazine he was looking at.

Hotch had been leaving every ten minutes or so to get a status report on the surgeries. The nurse must hate him by now, but every time he went to the station, the pool of dread started to swell in his gut.

Just then, Garcia entered the room. Her face was a contrast to the bright yellows and limes she was wearing. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and she walked towards Morgan.

'Is there any news on our baby?' She asked, her voice wavering with various emotions as she hugged Morgan tightly.

Rossi was about to answer when Hotch returned with a particularly exhausted looking Doctor. Everybody immediately stood and waited for the doctor to tell them that he was okay.

The doctor hesitated.

Hotch hoped that what he had to say would ease the dread pooling in his gut. He hoped that he would say Spencer was alive and he would be out of here in a few days. He wished the doctor would say that Reid would be back to his old self… but nobody was that lucky.

**TAAADAAAAH! **

**HERE IT IS! i hoped you enjoyed this chapter, and i hoped you liked the little memory i put in where gideon and reid first met... i wasnt too sure about it so opinions would be lovely... OH and please let me know if im still in character or not?! THANKS**

**OH and i still havent decided what to do with Ally yet... What should i do... Kill her off? or let her live? You choose :)**

**:P Leave your answers in in your REVEIWS! (please) :D**


	10. Any News is Good News, Right?

**Here you are, lovely readers! Please read the note at the end of this chapter... its my explanation.**

**ENJOY! :)**

'…Family of Spencer Reid?' The balding doctor questioned, his eyes were holding a mixture of exhaustion, shock and regret.

'We are his family.' Hotch spoke softly, gesturing to all of the rather fragile looking agents behind him. 'I am Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner and these are SSA's Rossi, Prentiss, Jareau, Morgan and Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia.'

'I'm afraid I cannot release this information to anybody, apart from relatives…' the doctor began as he obviously saw no resemblance between them.

'I'm his wife.' JJ blurted out. She thought Will wouldn't mind considering the circumstances.

The doctor before them didn't seem so convinced.

'You can tell me his status now or I will sue you for medical negligence under The Accident Compensation Legislation as you refuse to tell his own _wife_ of his condition.' JJ spoke in a firm tone, showing the older doctor her wedding ring on her finger. 'And, seeing as these are all of our friends, I will tell them anyway. So, to avoid me having to repeat his condition twice, I suggest you tell us all. Now, please.'

The doctor's defiance resolved, and he sighed. The rest of the team was astonished at how convincing JJ's lies were, Hotch guessed that her lying to the media over the years had contributed to her convincing manner, but they didn't protest as the doctor began to speak.

'Okay. Everybody, I am Doctor Langham and I am the one responsible for Mr Reid's stay at this hospital…'

'It's _Doctor_ Reid.' Garcia whispered as tears of relief flooded her eyes.

'So he's alive.' Prentiss sighed with relief.

Hotch shot them a look for their interruption. 'Please, continue.'

The atmosphere in the room seemed to have lost some of its tension; but only a tiny amount as they waited for the doctor to continue with their friend's condition.

'As I was saying…' He started as he looked towards the rest of the group. '_Doctor _Reid is alive at the moment, although we did lose him twice while he was on the operation table. He has a severely fractured femoral bone that we had to stabilize with two metal rods inserted where the bone had actually snapped in half. His other femoral bone has a small splinter crack running through it, although that will heal in time. Both of his legs are in casts to reduce the amount of movement.' The doctor paused to take another breath and also let his condition sink in.

Nobody needed to ask the doctor how the femoral bones had been broken. They had all been there. They had all seen the bloody screw driver sticking out of his left leg, and another one lying, bloody, next to him.

'Doctor Reid's left radius was also fractured but metal rods have been inserted there too, and it is in a cast. Spencer also has a minor concussion from exerted force on his skull. He has a fractured right cheek bone that we will have to stabilize at a later date and various bruising internally and externally, his trachea being bruised and the bruises surrounding his neck lead me to believe he had been strangled at some point. Most of his left and right ribs are either bruised or cracked due to the CPR affect and other injuries. We also found a circular puncture wound in the crease of his elbow, so we have sent for a drugs test.'

Hotch shuddered thinking about the Tobias Hankel case that had left Reid with an obvious drug problem, although he never admitted it. He could only hope it wasn't Dilaudid that he had been injected with. He wasn't sure if Reid could fight his injuries as well as addiction.

'Lastly, I'm afraid to tell you that Doctor Reid's cardiac arrest has caused him to slip into a Coma. We are giving him as much pain relief as we can to help his injuries and reduce the swelling on his brain which will ultimately help him regain consciousness.' Doctor Langham said softly, his eyes lingering on everybody with sadness and regret.

Hotch ran his hands over his face and through his dark hair, a movement he only made under extreme stress.

Rossi had taken a seat as the information set in, his dark brown eyes were looking towards the Doctor, but they weren't seeing anything.

Garcia had nearly fallen into her chair, violent sobs racking her frame as she thought about how scared Spencer, her Junior G-man, must be.

The tears in JJ's shocking blue eyes began to overflow. She sat and curled into herself, blond hair covering her face, the tears making their agonizing journey down her pale cheeks.

Water began to fill Prentiss' nearly black eyes but she refused to break down, she remained standing with Hotch, although she was standing with a slight tremble.

Morgan couldn't hold his rage; he stormed out of the painfully white waiting room, hitting the door on his way out.

Hotch was the first to speak as the news began to sink in.

'When may we see him?' Hotch's voice was hard, as if he was trying to rebuild his composure.

'You may see him now, but please, no loud noises, even though he is in a Coma it may cause him distress. He is in room 104 in the Intensive Care Unit.' Doctor Langham began to leave, regretfully leaving the people before him to deal with the tragic news, but somebody stopped him in the hallway with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

'What about the girl who was brought in with Doctor Reid, Allyson Morris?' Rossi asked, genuine concern filled his voice as he thought about the young woman who had been held with his colleague.

Doctor Langham sighed. 'She coded on the way to the OR, her injuries were too extensive to resuscitate her successfully. I'm sorry for your loss, Agent.'

Rossi nodded, knowing he was at a loss for words. He noticed Hotch had followed him out to the hallway with Doctor Langham.

'Doctor, it is important that you keep Doctor Reid's drug intake at the bare minimum, please. I will not explain any further except that he cannot have very much narcotics.' Hotch stated, his voice firm and commanding.

The doctor gave him a knowing look, nodded and went back to check his patients.

Rossi and Hotch walked back to the waiting room silently. By the time they were back, Hotch noticed that Morgan had re-entered the room.

'Allyson Morris has died.' Hotch said, his voice sounded uncharacteristically sad at the news of her death.

Hotch knew that her death would hit them one by one, but at the moment he knew they all needed to see Reid alive and well. _Well, alive at least, _Hotch thought. He shook his head and gathered his normally organized thoughts.

'Everyone, I know this is hard but we need to be strong. For Reid. He will come out of this; and when he does, we need to be there for him. I will call Strauss and let her know what has happened and try to organise some leave for all of us, the rest of you, go and see him, but keep in mind that you must be quiet. Room 104.'

Hotch left the room abruptly, travelled down the hall and into the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he let the guilt run him over like a steam roller. Water began to glisten in the usually stoic man's eyes as he looked at himself in the mirror. _How could I let this happen? I'm meant to protect him! He trusted me with his life, for God's sake! Look where that got him._ Hotch turned the tap on and let the cold water splash his face, waking him up from his dark thoughts. He sighed as he pulled out his cell phone and began to type Strauss' number.

After a moment of silence when Hotch left, Morgan spoke. 'Alright guys, you heard the man, let's go and see Pretty Boy.' Morgan said as he began to move, it didn't take a profiler to see that he was covering up his pain.

'Wait, I have to do something first' Garcia chimed in, getting a hold of herself as she wiped the tears of her flushed face.

'Yeah, Garcia?' Prentiss asked, her voice tinged with sadness.

'Where's the Gift shop around here?' She smiled a cheeky smile. Hope pooled in her stomach and she knew that Spencer would get through this. _With the help of a few cuddly friends that is._ She thought as she led her friend's in search of the gift store.

**Okay! so... first things first.**

**IM SORRY FOR KILLING OFF ALLY! i didnt mean to, it just happend! i very wise reader told me that in real life she would have died, and i would like to keep the story as realistic as i can! IM SORRY! please dont hate me! :) Also, i wanted some Reid Angsty chatting with the team, and he will get over it in time, but Ally will always be a part of him, okay guys? :)**

**SECONDLY... I apologize for the lack of Reid in this chapter, seeing as the following chapters are going to be full of him, i thought it would be lovely for the team to have some of the spotlight... also i ran out of time to write a reid experience! SORRY! :) **

**Thirdly, i hoped you liked the Reids Wife bit... it just came to me while writing and i thought it would show, quite accurately, how much she cares for Reid and what she was willing to do to get her answers. ALSO i hoped you liked the TINY part about an emotional hotch as i was watching and episode today and it was just a normal episode but he DOES HAVE EMOTIONS and i just wanted to show that he is human... :) haha **

**OH and i hope my Medicalness was sorta accurate, im going to add more of it in following chapters! Opinions would be very helpful!**

**I will try to keep this as in character and in reality as humanly possible, but people make mistakes and I LOVE IT WHEN YOU POINT THEM OUT! haha :) Thanks for the reviews and keep em coming... Give me your opinions on this chapter! THANKS FOR READING LOVELY AWESOME PEOPLE! xx :)**


	11. First Reactions

**Hey guys, heres the next chapter :) **

It was dark, uncomfortably dark. Spencer couldn't get away from the darkness. It surrounded him. He could feel every touch, hear every sound. But he couldn't open his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, they would stay closed.

_With his eyes buried in a book, he unconsciously walked the route to his house, like he always did after school. He was too enveloped by the words of Edgar Allan Poe so he didn't notice the sounds of clashing cutlery and plates smashing on tiles as he walked up to his house. He climbed the creaking wooden steps to the front door and finally tore his eyes away from his book to open the front door, only to find it wide open. Shards of glass scattered before the door, as he stepped inside he held his breath._

_The crunch of the glass beneath the little boy's feet haunts him to this day. There, lying in the white tiled kitchen, was his mother. His blood ran cold. Her blood was everywhere, or so it seemed. The contrasts of red and white made the boys mind spin as he ran, teary eyed, towards his mother, dropping his book in a puddle of blood on the way._

_'Mom! Mom, it's me, Mom what did you do?' His voice rising in tone as he looked closely at the bloodied shard of glass in his mother's hand. The deep gashes in her wrists explained it all._

_'I couldn't let them take you too, they did this. Those fascists…'His mother mumbled angrily, her eyes glazed over._

_The little boy ran to grab the home phone, and dialled the number he knew all too well from previous experiences. He was unnervingly calm, knowing the procedures of a 911 call. The teary eyed boy hung up the phone and went back to his mother. The books he had read on medical treatments came in handy. He grabbed the kitchen tea towel hastily and wrapped it around his mother's ripped up wrist, the glass must have torn through the mother's thick skin effortlessly. He had heard the sirens in the distance now, his tears overflowed from his eyes, seeing as his mother had tried to kill herself. _

_'Mom, it's going to be okay, the paramedics are coming. Mom?' The young one watched as his mother's eyes locked onto the book he had dropped just a few feet away when he ran in._

_'Read to me, Spencer. You were always such a good boy.' Spencer smiled a sad smile and reached for the book._

'I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry. I couldn't look after you. I'm so sorry.' The words echoed through the young profilers head as he recalled the horrible memory. The mantra was soon interrupted when he felt something soft being placed next to his ear.

Garcia walked into the room holding several bags of goodies that she brought for her young genius, soon the bags fell to the floor as her eyes fell upon her friend's limp, unconscious body. Tubes seemed to be coming out of everywhere, but the one that brought her back to earth was the chunky tube positioned down Reid's bruised throat, the machine connected to it forcing precious air into his lungs. The realization that without that particular machine her friend would be dead hit her like a tonne of bricks. Tears trickled down the usually perky blonde's cheeks as she strode to her baby's side and placed a cute brown teddy bear, wearing overalls with patches on its pockets, next to Reid's ear; the only place where it wouldn't obstruct a tube.

The rest of the team, excluding Hotch, entered slowly, bracing them for what they would find.

Prentiss entered second, after Garcia. She was quietly glad that Penelope had her attentions focused on Reid as she felt a wave of reality hit her. Emily couldn't hold back the single tear that seeing Reid like this brought to her eyes. She picked up the bags that Penelope had dropped and sat next to the teary eyed woman. Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, she wiped away the tear that had escaped.

Rossi entered next. His neutral expression was challenged when he saw Prentiss wipe her eyes at the state of their mutual friend. He didn't make a move to sit; instead he remained at the end of the bed, looking down on his colleague. Sadness pierced the Italian man's physique as he looked at the battered boy before him; he dipped his head in respect for the man who had been through so much at the tender age of 30.

JJ entered after Rossi. Her eyes began to water as she walked slowly toward Spencer. With every step a new cut or new bruise showed itself in detail to her blue eyes. She sat across from Garcia and laid a tentative hand over his and squeezed. She smiled as she thought about what Spencer's reaction would have been to this gesture, if he were awake. _Wake up, Spence, _She pleaded with whoever was listening that he would get out of this okay. He had to. He was Reid. She sighed and let the reality of the situation hit her. He wouldn't wake up any time soon.

Morgan was the last to enter. The man that lay on the hospital bed before him was a shadow of his former friend. His throat was dark shades of purple and blue, the right side of his face was also shades of purple. With both of his legs and his arm elevated, Morgan normally would have thought of some comical expression and joked with his colleague, but he knew Spencer, his little brother, would not reply. Tears rushed into the darker man's eyes and he solemnly took the seat across the bed from Garcia and Prentiss, next to JJ. His eyes were solely focused on his beaten friend before him. _Pretty boy, what have you gotten into this time? _

About and hour later Hotch entered the private room, finally having convinced strauss to let them have 2 weeks off, depending on the amount of cases they get. His eyes wandered around the dozing agents that surrounded the unconscious friend on the hospital bed. He averted his eyes. Each step he took, his guilt grew. He couldn't help but feel he could have prevented this somehow. If he hadn't been so preoccupied with procedure, they would have gotten Reid back, before any of this happened; before Reid had fallen into a coma; before Allyson Morris had lost her life. He sighed as he places a hand on Prentiss' shoulder to rouse her.

'…What? Oh, Hotch, I'm sorry I must have fallen asleep.' Prentiss said quickly as she rubbed her hands over her face to wake her up a bit.

'Go check into the hotel. You all need some sleep.' He said as he noticed everyone was starting to wake up.

'But Hotch-' JJ began to protest but was interrupted by a yawn escaping her now embarrassed physique.

'Go. You all need a break. We'll sit with him in shifts; I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up.' Hotch said as his gaze lingered on Reid's sleeping form.

Slowly, the room emptied, despite the mumbled protests. Only Hotch, Morgan and, of course, Reid remained in the room.

'Morgan, you need to get some-'

'I'm staying here, Hotch. I will leave when you do.' Morgan said firmly.

Hotch sighed, knowing that there was no way to get Morgan to leave.

'I will get us some coffee.' Hotch said as he left the room, leaving Morgan with Reid.

Derek moved closer to his friend, hoping he would wake up but knowing he wouldn't.

'Hey there, Pretty Boy.' Morgan started as he held Spencer's hand. 'I know you're confused right now, but I need you to do something for me. I need you to open those pretty little eyes for me. Wake up.' His voice wavered towards the end, and he slid his eyes shut in frustration.

No response.

'Reid… I'm sorry. I couldn't get to you in time… Maybe if I had known that Ethan was in town, I could have stopped him before he… he did this. I'm so sorry. I wasn't there when you needed me most. Just do me a favour, okay? Come back to us, Reid. It doesn't have to be now, or tomorrow, just promise me that you will come back to us?' He sighed and he let Spencer's hand fall on the bed.

_Morgan… Morgan! What? Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault. Wait? What's not your fault? What happened? Morgan? Answer me! Please! _Spencer felt the hand leave his. He wanted to scream, but no sound would come, he wanted to see him with his own eyes, but they wouldn't open. Fear washed over the man. He couldn't control his own body. No matter how hard he tried, how loud he screamed, the comforting hand didn't return; his eyes didn't open, and no sound came out. He was trapped; a helpless prisoner of his own mind.

**OOOOOkay, i know its a bit slow paced and depressing, but i promise it will get all angsty when he wakes up... :) i hope you liked this chapter AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVEIWS i love you guys! legit, every time i read one, i get a major confidence boost. YOU GUYS ROCK... **

**One more thing! i just started another story, it was meant as a one shot but i couldnt finish it all in one chapter, so its multi chaptered... :P Its called Taking Your Place and its on my page so if you have time, give it read please! it would be much appreciated! **

**AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! Reveiws are muchly appreciated... Would love your input on this chapter, and any tips that you may have! :) xx**


	12. Various Outcomes

**I am so sorry for my slow updating! i was becoming to excited about the upcoming Reidcentric episode (OMG I CANT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED) but now that i have seen it, heres the next chapter! ENJOY.**

Minutes turned to hours, hours to days and days to weeks. Doctor Langham grouped the team in the hallway outside of Reid's intensive care room. He still needed to explain the outcome that this coma may have on Spencer and what the extent of the brain damage that has been caused is. As soon as everyone seemed to be present, he began to let them know what the outcome of their friend in the next room may be.

'I need you all to listen to what I have to say about your friend's condition. As you well know, Spencer has been in a comatose state for nearly two weeks now. His scans have shown some brain activity improvement, which makes me hopeful that he will awake soon. When he does, I need you all to understand what your friend's condition may be. Spencer's coma was caused by lack of oxygen to his brain, causing anoxic brain damage. Now, according to researchers, some believe that there are five outcome categories for patients that have obtained an anoxic brain injury. The possibilities are death, or in Spencer's case persistent comatose state, persistent vegetative state, in which patients are conscious but are not aware of their surroundings, severe disability, in which patients are conscious but disabled and are dependent upon others for activities of daily living, moderate disability, in which patients are disabled but able to perform everyday activities without assistanceand lastly, good recovery, in which patients are able to resume normal life, possibly with minor neurological or psychological deficits. I sincerely hope that the latter option is the outcome, but you all need to prepare mentally and physically. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I am sorry for having to deliver this news, but keep your hopes up. Your friend in there is young and strong, I am confident that he will get through this, with the support of his family, meaning you need to be there for him when he wakes up.'

Collective sighs of grief and sadness escaped the lips of some profilers as they heard the news.

Garcia managed to not let a tear slip, until she heard the word death. She stood there, listening intently to what Doctor Langham was saying about boy genius's condition and it did nothing for her usually optimistic look on things. God knew she was hoping for the best, but she couldn't think about what she would do if it turned out worse.

JJ held Garcia's hand as the Doctor spoke. She needed the comforting gesture as much as Garcia did; she needed to be grounded, so her mind couldn't wander to the worse outcomes of Spencer's condition. She couldn't imagine the team without their resident genius; she was sure nobody else could either. A breath of just plain grief left her lips as she thought about what Reid had been through. He had to survive this. He could, he was Spence. He surprised her every day. She only hoped that this would be one of those moments where she would be wowed again.

When Rossi had first re-joined the BAU team, he had wondered how a skinny pole of a kid had made it into the BAU; he seriously wondered if the standards had fallen that far. He was soon proven wrong by the man lying in the bed in the other room. His intellect was powerful, his social skills needed working on but Rossi realized that his pure strength was undeniable. He had learnt over the years what the young man had been through and as he did, his respect grew. He sighed in relief as Doctor Langham believed he would wake up soon. Somehow, over the years, he had begun to care deeply about his BAU family and the man in the hospital bed was one of them.

Derek Morgan couldn't imagine a life without his awkward best friend. He was grateful that the doctor had said _when he wakes _not _If._ He couldn't help the rage that fuelled through him as he thought about how pretty boy had gotten into this mess, how he had managed to die right before his eyes. He sighed and forced himself to be optimistic, but as the doctor described his condition further, he couldn't help but think the worst. What if he didn't wake up? What if he remained asleep on the hospital bed for the remainder of his years? The thought brought tears to the darker man's eyes, but he quickly dismissed them. He had to be strong; for Reid.

As the doctor spoke, the hope that Spencer would be back to normal in a few weeks started to shrink. More and more scenarios filled Prentiss' mind as the doctor went on about her friend's condition. She refused to cry, although tears had built in her eyes, and she remained standing tall in front of her superior's. She would break down later. She needed to be strong, for everyone. She somehow couldn't imagine Reid having to rely on somebody else to do everyday activities. No doubt he would protest and try and try again to be independent. She smiled to herself as she thought about the useless arguing that would ensue if in that scenario. Reid would make it through this; he was strong and she knew it.

Hotch listened to every word the doctor spoke. He needed to prepare his team for the worst outcome; that Reid wouldn't wake up. The thought made tears burns in the stoic man's eyes, but none were shed. He didn't know if he could live with the guilt if that happened. He was responsible for Reid and his safety, and now Reid is in a hospital bed unconscious. The youngest team member relied on him, if he couldn't keep him safe, how was he supposed to keep everyone else safe? The thoughts were singed into the unit chief's mind, long after the Doctor had left. The team's shift watching over Spencer had continued, now, looking at the tired team of profilers before him, he knew it was his turn.

'You guys, go to the hotel and get some rest, I will stay with Reid for a few hours.'

Protesting was heard, but Hotch was having none of it.

'It's my turn anyway. Now go. That's an order.' Hotch spoke firmly, successfully covering the tiredness in deep voice.

Everybody said goodbyes to Reid, telling him they would be back later, while Hotch stood in the doorway.

'It's not your fault, Hotch.' Rossi spoke after the rest of the team had left the room, laying a hand on Hotch's shoulder.

'It's just that, if… if I had worked it out sooner, Reid wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be fighting for his life like this. I was meant to watch over him, keep him safe. Now he is here… How am I supposed to do this job if I can't keep my own team safe?' As Hotch spoke, the usually stoic expression softened and tears burned in his dark despairing eyes.

'You have to stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault, or any of ours. It's Ethan's. He did this to Reid… Hotch, Reid will make it. He is strong. He always does.' Rossi patted the man's shoulder, turned and left without another word.

With tears still in the agent's eyes, he sat in the chair next to his colleague's bed and hesitantly placed his hand on his younger friend's.

'Hey, Reid. If you can hear me, I… I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time. I know you trusted in me and I let you down. I… I don't know what we will do without you, Reid. You have to fight, okay?' Hotch tenderly spoke, his voice wavering as the tears he had fought so hard to hold in, broke through his barriers. 'You have everything to live for. Just… Just don't give up. You're strong, stronger than you think; Stronger than any of us give you credit for. Please, wake up.'

At first he thought he was imagining things. He thought the stress of the last two weeks had gotten to his brain, but then it unmistakeably happened again.

Spencer's hand tightened around Hotch's, and his hazel brown eyes opened wide with life.

**Thanks for reading! Thanks for the reveiws! **

**I would love you opinions on this chapter and on the recent episode of Criminal Minds? What were your reactions!? ) **

**Thanks again! Will update soon! xx**


	13. Pained

**Hey Guys!**

**Im SOOOOOOOO SORRY that i havent updated in like forever! I was a tad depressed about Zugzwang... :L But im back now! ENJOY!**

Spencer felt the manly hand grip his own, bringing him comfort and safety. He wasn't sure who it was but he was grateful. Then he heard what sounded like his boss, but it was missing something. The voice sounded sad; broken.

'Hey, Reid. If you can hear me, I… I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time. I know you trusted in me and I let you down. I… I don't know what we will do without you, Reid. You have to fight, okay? You have everything to live for. Just… Just don't give up. You're strong, stronger than you think; Stronger than any of us give you credit for. Please, wake up.'

_Hotch; it's not your fault! What are you talking about? I'm right here, why would you be without me? Fight what? _Reid was starting to panic; he couldn't get out of the darkness, the mist that fogged nearly everything. Suddenly a certain sound filled his ears; it sounded almost like… like crying. _Hotch? What's wrong? Why are you…? What happened? _The fog started to lift, bringing back the numb but prominent pain around his body. He could feel it. He tried to move; tried to comfort his boss, but his limbs weren't obeying… it almost felt like they weren't touching the ground. He decided to move onto the easier things; His eyes.

At first the brightness of the white room was too much for his eyes to handle. They closed immediately afterwards, squeezed shut. Just the effort that exerted made Reid extremely tired; making him want to sleep, again. But deep down something was nagging him that he needed to stay awake for a little longer, just hold on to this new found freedom from his mind. He hesitantly opened his eyes once more, even though they were heavy with fatigue.

'Reid! Reid? Can you hear me?' Hotch's voice was filled with new found hope and overall relief.

Reid couldn't speak. He just didn't have enough energy. So he squeezed his bosses hand once.

'Squeeze once for yes or twice for no, ok?' Hotch said as he pressed the _call _button beside his colleague's bed.

One Squeeze.

'Do you know where you are?' His voice was urgent, Hotch wanted to get some sort of understanding about Reid's condition before the doctor's took him for testing.

Reid looked around the room, his eyes not seeing the white casts that his body was covered in. _White tiled roof, white floor, white sheets… Hospital._ He came to his conclusion unusually slowly and squeezed Hotch's hand once more.

'Good. Do you know why you are here?'

Reid was getting annoyed at the stupidity of asking somebody why they would be in a hospital bed, but he decided against some sarcastic remark, only because he couldn't speak. He thought back to Hotch's question and it suddenly hit him. He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember? This was not an experience that the genius enjoyed, not one bit. He tried hard to think, think about what may have happened before the darkness. Panic gripped him around the throat. He didn't know how or why he was here. He was finding it hard to breath, it felt as if his throat was tightening, locking out all air. How did he wind up in a hospital bed? What had happened? Why was Hotch crying? What was Morgan blaming himself for? What were all of the others talking about when they said 'Stay strong'?

Another pair of hands suddenly grabbed his shoulders, there was some hurried talking, then the darkness dragged him back into the recesses of his brain and the mist of not-knowing took back his mind.

Hotch watched as Reid's eyes widened in terror at the question, he obviously couldn't remember. But the way his slender body wretched off of the hospital bed, the way his eyes rolled back into his head, would always be branded into his brain. The pure distress he was in pained the team leader.

In the end the Doctor hadn't had to sedate him, he fell back unconscious before they could. They only hoped he didn't injure himself further, but they were glad that didn't need to intubate him; that would mar the progress that Spencer had made. Hotch had decided not to call the team, they had only been gone for an hour and they needed their rest. Hotch's phone brought him out of his daze as it rang. He walked quickly into the bathroom so he could speak, not looking at the number on screen, he answered it.

'Hotchner.' The stoic voice had recovered from its wavering previously.

'Hi, Daddy!' Jack answered; it was obvious he was smiling through the phone.

'Hey Jack! What are you doing up so late, buddy?' Hotch's voice didn't hide the smile either.

'I missed you, Daddy.' Came the response, Jack's voice was tinged with sadness at not being able to hug his father.

'I know, Buddy. I do too.' Hotch responded, trying to hide his own homesickness.

The phone call lasted well into the next hour, Hotch ended it after looking at his watch and realizing it was way past his son's bedtime back in Virginia. Hotch walked out into the hallway of the hospital unit that Spencer was staying in, and was about to enter the room until he saw a familiar face.

'You're meant to be resting.' Hotch spoke, though there was no anger in his voice.

'Yeah, and you were meant to call us if Reid woke up, so it looks like neither of us were following orders were we?' Rossi asked rhetorically, no anger in his voice either.

Hotch was going to ask how he knew but didn't bother when he noticed the troubled expression on the older man's face.

'What's up?' Hotch asked casually, although he had an inkling of what this may be about.

'It's just that…' Rossi began, not making eye contact. 'The doctor told me what you said, that he doesn't remember what happened yet, but when you asked me to ride with Allyson, that is something I will never forget… She gained consciousness during the ride back. She was asking about Reid and I… I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't know if he was alive… In the end she wasn't conscious long enough for me to answer her. What if I had told her he was alive and on the way to the Hospital? Would she have survived? Would that knowledge have been enough for her to make it? If I hadn't hesitated she might still be here, Hotch. She was even younger than Reid…'

'It's not your fault Rossi. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Sometimes, this job… You just can't dwell on that. It will tear you apart, Rossi. You and I both know that. Her injuries were too severe. We were too late. It's not our fault, or anyone else's. It was Ethan, Rossi. Ethan did this. He made a choice to murder two innocent women and put Reid in his current position.' Hotch said, trying to convince himself as well as his partner. He knew Rossi would still feel some kind of responsibility for Allyson, but that came with the job. You can't save everyone; the distressing part was that you were made to think you can.

'From what I hear, that kid's been through a lot. Much more than anybody else has been by his young age. He's only 30, Hotch. He has all of his life ahead of him. I just… I don't know how he does it. When I was his age, I was just starting out.' Rossi said, changing the topic from Allyson.

'A wise Italian man that I greatly respect once told me, 'You have to stop blaming yourself. Reid will make it. He is strong. He always does.' I suggest you listen to that man's advice.' As Hotch spoke, a smile crept onto his face as he remembered what Rossi had told him, only hours ago.

With that, the talking stopped. The pair walked into the white room and faced their unconscious colleague. His unruly chestnut hair was gathered in messy bunches around his eyes, although the bruises had faded a fraction, they could still see the slightly misshapen cheekbone that the Doctor's had had to repair. There were small stitches across his hairline, from his head hitting the ground. His hanging limbs had been slightly lowered. His breathing was strained ever so slightly, but he was breathing on his own. Only the beeping of his heart monitor filled the silent room. As Rossi walked up to his colleague, he saw a glisten of light on his cheek. Rossi carefully brought his hand up and wiped the tear away in a rare gesture of caring.

Hotch and Rossi sat next to each other and began to reminisce about _the old days, _informing their colleague. He knew if Reid were awake, he would smile at the memories that his superiors were sharing. A sudden pang of sadness hit the Italian agent. He realized that he preferred the current days to the old ones. He preferred the days when Reid would spout random statistics, or go on scientific rants. He realized just how much he cared for, and loved, his BAU family; and he knew that this Family would _never _be the same without Spencer Reid.

**Thanks for reading! Lots of ANGSTY ANGST in this chapter huh? :P**

**Seeing as school is about to begin again (grrrrr :P) i will only be able to update weekly or fortnightly! Im Sorry for the inconveinience!**

**When i first started this story, i honesty though that i would be done by the beginning of school! but you guys like it so much so it made me write much more and much better! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! **

**Please Reveiw! and feel free to bitch at me about my tardyness! :L (dont forget your opinions of this chapter!) :D xx**


	14. Guilt, Hope and Coffee

**ENJOY! :)**

A few hours after Reid had woken up the team gradually began to arrive. As they would enter, Hotch would repeat the news to them. Doctor Langham had requested that when everyone had arrived, he was to be told so he could speak to everyone about his condition. Soon enough the entire BAU team was back in the waiting room, awaiting doctor Langham.

'Hello Agents.' Doctor Langham began as he strode into the room, his eyes looking tired but something had changed within them; they held hope. 'I would like to say first off that I am genuinely pleased with Spencer's recovery so far. His ICP scan showed that the swelling in his brain has downed significantly, causing his conscious state. At first he will wake very suddenly and only be able to stay that way for a few short minutes. This is common, despite what you may think, coming out a coma is very tiring, which is why Dr Reid is unconscious at this moment. Now, my colleagues and I are sending him off for MRI scan to see if there is no bleeding in his brain. If all is clear then he will have a CT scan, this may determine the damaged areas of his brain but we cannot know for sure until he is able and ready to undertake a neurological examination. In this exam he will be asked questions by a neurologist; things along the lines of physical movement and mental ability, so two plus two and squeeze my hand etc. However, I cannot speak further on what the future may hold until the results get back, which reminds me… ' The doctor fished a sheet out of his pockets. 'The results of your colleagues drug's tests have all come back positive for Heroin, I sent them back for retesting to make sure but they were positive that Dr Reid had been injected with Dilaudid while being held captive.' He handed the sheet to Hotch while adding 'I'm sorry.' Langham had read his patients history and obviously understood what that meant to them, and left without another word.

The unit chief turned towards his team, taking in their expressions.

Rossi seemed to have moved from standing beside Hotch, to sitting in the chair next to him. He couldn't believe that that _son of a bitch_ had added to his colleague's pain. He had quietly spoken with Hotch about Reid previously and had learnt pieces about Reid's struggle with addiction. He just couldn't believe how the fragile human being could go through all of this and still be alive. He cursed himself at the thought, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to himself. With his legs crossed in front of him and his arms tucked in his lap, he sat, disbelieving.

Memories flooded the blond profiler as she thought back to _that_ night, when she and Reid had split up at the barn and Reid had gotten kidnapped by Tobias Hankel. Tears began to well up in her deep blue eyes as the nightmares filled her mind. If she had just gone with Reid that night… if she had stopped him from entering that cornfield, he wouldn't have gotten kidnapped and ultimately, wouldn't have gotten addicted to the harmful drug. All of the blame and responsibility she felt for his addiction latched itself onto JJ once more as she sat, knees to her chest and arms around her knees, staring with wide watery eyes into nothing.

Morgan had been happy to hear that Reid had woken up. But that news had soon been over ridden by the fact that before they found him, Reid had once again been abused with drugs. He should have worked it out sooner, when he saw the Jazz club and flashed back to when Reid was meeting and _old friend _back in New Orleans, he should have pieced it together; then he wouldn't have had to go through this again. There was a nagging part of his brain that told him that Reid couldn't deal with addiction again. He soon stomped that cynical thought out. Reid was strong, he would get through this. This time he had him there for support. He wasn't alone. As long as Spencer needed him, he would be there for his little brother.

_No offence, Emily but you don't really know what you're talking about, do ya? _The words along with the harsh tone entered her mind as the doctor relayed the results of Spencer's drug test. The familiar sting of those very words still hurt, even though she knew it was the addiction talking. Deep down, Emily was scared. She was scared that Reid would act out again, even though she had grown to love each and every one of her team members, she still held the same feeling of rejection that was rooted to her soul from her childhood. She loved Reid too much to let him go through this alone though, she knew that much. She laid a comforting hand on JJ's shoulder once more, needing the support that was given when JJ put her hand atop of her own. As long as he wanted her, she would help him through his struggles, just as he had been with hers.

Garcia, having been already sitting down when the doctor had entered, had let her tears fall freely. She remembered watching him be beaten over and over again. Those images were engrained in her mind. The groans and pleading of Reid's also haunted her to this day. She thought back to when he came back to work after… after he was taken. He looked so… helpless. It broke her heart. She would constantly try and get Morgan to help him but he always pushed everyone away. She wouldn't let that happen to her Junior G-man this time, she couldn't stand by and watch his condition deteriorate like it had previously. Hell, she would live with Reid while he recovered if that's what it took for him to have the strength to overcome addiction once more. She would do anything to help her babies. As she cried, she reached for Morgan's hand, he was her anchor and right now, Reid needed them both.

_He is strong. He can do this. _The words replayed like a mantra in the unit chief's mind as he thought about the drugs that were in Reid's system when they had found him. He knew in his gut that Reid wouldn't take them willingly. He was strong enough to overcome addiction once; he wouldn't jeopardize his progress by taking again. Being the leader of this team, the feelings of responsibility and guilt almost suffocated him. Had they been earlier at looking at the obvious, he wouldn't have to be in the other room having all sorts of brain and body scans done; he wouldn't have wiped the progress that he had made by catching those _movies _once in a while_, _he would be safe. As Hotch ran his hand over his face, a sign of stress, his phone began to ring. Hotch had been dreading the call. He knew it would come eventually; the call that would take the team away from their recuperating colleague. It had only been a few hours ago that Reid had first woken up, his condition had been making improvements, but the call had come through. He walked out of the waiting room at a brisk pace, making a beeline for the bathroom; he didn't want his colleagues to overhear the conversation.

'Hotchner.' His voice had a necessary edge considering who and why the person on the other line had called.

'Agent Hotchner.' Strauss' voice resounded through his ears, an involuntary tingle went down the stoic man's back; he knew why she was calling.

'We need more time, Erin.' His voice was hard. This was not something he was going to let happen; he had just woken up.

'I'm afraid I can't give you that, Aaron. You have a case in Texas, 5 dead, 2 missing.' Her voice was merciless, Although one of her agents was in hospital, she did have a job to do and she had to enforce protocol before the body count got up to more than one digit.

'Ma'am I understand…' Hotch began, trying to manifest some sort of emotion besides anger in his voice.

'No, I'm not sure you do, Agent Hotchner.' Strauss interrupted, she was expecting the resistance. 'We have 7 people possibly dead and it is your job to stop the person who is adding to the body count. Now, I know Agent Reid's _predicament_ is highly unorthodox…'

'…Predicament? With all due respect, ma'am, one of my agents was kidnapped, drugged, tortured and abused over the course of nearly five days and is still in a critical condition after the UnSub caused him to stop breathing as he was stabbed his femoral arteries with two screwdrivers. One of my agents died for a period of time, ma'am, and I intend on supporting them here, in Las Vegas, until he is in a stable enough condition for transfer; Then we will be able to concentrate on other cases with the comfort of knowing that he is only a car ride, not a plane ride, away.' Hotch's voice was piercing. The anger he had been stowing away had just made itself known, and to his superior no doubt. He knew he was out of line, but he also know that his team could not operate effectively without the reassurance that their colleague, friend and surrogate family member, was close by.

'…Okay, Aaron. I understand that Agent Reid has just taken a turn for the better. I will see what I can do about a transfer. I will put another team on this particular case, but I expect you and your team to be fully focussed on your cases when agent Reid gets transferred.' Her own her resolve cracked. Despite what some may think, she did have a heart, albeit not a very big one.

To say that Hotch was surprised to hear that response was an understatement.

'Thank you, Erin. I can assure you we will be.' Hotch said with sincerity. With that, he ended the call and walked back to the waiting room where his team still hadn't moved.

'Strauss is seeing to a transfer.' He spoke to the agents, fatigue etched in his features.

'Good, I thought she would be calling about a case.' Prentiss said worriedly as she stretched.

'She did. 5 dead and 2 missing in Texas but she put another team on it.' He replied casually as he sat down for what seemed like the first time in days.

'So she does have a heart.' Morgan joked half-heartedly as he stood and walked towards the door, heading towards the nurses' station for any word on how long it may take before they could see Spencer.

The dishevelled looking man returned after a moment with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

'It's gonna be an hour or two.' Morgan spoke to the group, he hated waiting.

'Let's all try and get some rest…' Hotch began his well heard speech.

'You and I both know that none of us will get one moment of rest waiting for Reid.' Morgan replied while he crossed his arms in a defiant manner, effectively stopping Hotch mid-sentence.

'You're right.' After a few moments passed Hotch stood before adding 'Coffee anyone?'

For the first time in what seemed like forever, every single one of the team had the same three things pooling in their beings; Guilt, hope and coffee.

**HOW WAS THAT? Haha I thought I would end on a sort of high note, (sort of) I thought it was nice for the team to have a half break. :L I am actually quite proud of the length of this chapter! Its probably the longest chapter I have ever written in a fanfic. (yes I know that sounds silly, but its true! :L) Its the content im a bit iffy about! Sorry about the lack of Reid again, I just thought the team needed the spotlight, I have a soft spot for Hotch as you may have guessed! :P **

**Thank you guys so much for reading! Special thanks to all who review!They inspire me to write more, faster and write better! THANK YOU GUYS! :) Opinions on this chapter would be awesome! INCLUDING YOU, GUEST READERS! Tell me how I did! Good or bad I don't mind! :) Again thanks for reading and reviewing and favouriting and following! THANKS! xx **


	15. Reflections

**ENJOY**

Half an hour later, the BAU team returned to their most hated room in the hospital, the waiting room, with another cup of hot coffee and prepared for a long wait. Every single one of them was still thinking about the Dilaudid. The drug that Reid had in his system; the one that almost made him lose his life to addiction. Hey knew how strong Reid was and they hoped to whoever was listening that his strength would be renewed, and quickly seeing his conscious state.

After an hour of hopeful thinking, doctor Langham returned. The team immediately stood and nodded toward him in way of a greeting.

'Hello Agents. Dr Reid is back in his room after his MRI. He woke up twice during the procedure and was asking for all of you. He is asleep again right now, but your friend is definitely a fighter. I have never seen a patient come out of a coma and stay awake for more than ten minutes each time.' He spoke, shaking his head unbelievably towards the end.

'That's Reid alright, better get used to being amazed.' Morgan muttered to himself, smiling at his colleague's progress.

'How did the MRI go? What's the damage?' JJ asked, taking the doctors previous advice and bracing herself for the worst.

'You will all know when I do. It usually will take around forty eight hours for a proper diagnosis, but I have redlined Dr Reid's results to a specialist. We should have them within twenty four hours.' He said, noting the woman's worried appearance.

'So, what happens next?' Rossi asked practically.

'Well, seeing as Spencer's recovery is speedy already, a specialist will perform a neurological examination when he wakes next. It is then that we will really know the depth of his brain damage, the MRI is just an indicator.' Langham's tone was serious and he ran a hand through his balding hair. After a moment he spoke but this time with a casual tone.

'You're not his wife, are you?' He smiled toward JJ, a friendly comforting smile.

'Um, no I'm not… Sorry about that by the way. I was just a little desperate.' JJ ended with a half-smile catching upon her lips.

'Doctor, when will Reid be stable enough for a transfer to another facility?' Hotch asked, remembering he couldn't hold off Strauss forever.

'Not until we get a complete diagnosis of his brain damage. He could have acute sensitive hearing which may make any means of travel gruelling, but we will find our soon enough. I'm serious; any transfer without a proper diagnosis may cause harrowing amounts of pain for Spencer, or even further injury.' The doctor spoke in a hard tone, looking Aaron straight in the eyes.

Hotch nodded seriously, he was not about to jeopardize Reid's health any more than he had already done. After all he shouldn't be in that hospital bed in the first place.

'Alright, enough chit-chat; let's go see my Junior G-man.' Garcia stood upon legs shaking with fatigue. Everybody began to make exhaust ridden steps towards Reid's room, before they were stopped in their snail pace tracks.

'You all need to go home and rest. All of you.' To the group's surprise, it was not Hotch that was speaking, it was Doctor Langham.

'You all have had next to no sleep for the past two weeks more or less.'

'I will sleep when he gets better.' Prentiss said somewhat firmly, even though her voice had an exhausted edge.

'Same here.' Rossi added even though a nice glass of scotch and bed sounded like heaven for the elder man.

'It's nearly two AM. I don't know how long it has been since you all ate, either. Even though I don't like to do this, I think, in your case, I will have to. Being the doctor over your colleague and seeing as it is nearly 8 hours past visiting hours, If you don't go home and get some rest, I will have to bar you entrance to your colleague's room.'

Rage filled all of the BAU member's, but before it could explode Langham spoke again, but this time his voice was soft and caring.

'Look, Dr Reid isn't going to wake up any time soon, and as soon as he does, you all will have to be escorted out for the neurological exam which will take nearly half an hour to an hour. By the looks of all of you, especially _you_, Agent Hotchner, you won't make it 'till late morning without collapsing from exhaustion. Just go back to your hotel and _try_ to get some rest knowing that Agent Reid is going to be fine, or _you_ may end up in the hospital bed next to him; and we all know how bad hospital food tastes.' Doctor Langham ended with a smirk towards the dishevelled agents before him before adding 'Doctor's orders.' in good humour.

With that, all of the Agent's resolve crumbled. They couldn't do anything to make the doctor let them stay and they knew what he had said was in their best interests so they decided to call it quits and go back to the hotel. Dragging their tired legs forward, they left the hospital.

The group ended up having to call taxis, their hotel wasn't far away but in the state they were in they would surely cause an accident. As each and every remaining member of the BAU entered the foyer of their hotel, they said their 'goodnights' and left for their room's, but not before Hotch added 'Meet back here at 9…' then with a subtle glance at his watch, which showed him the digits 3.00am, he spoke again. '…ten.'

Garcia hadn't even made it to the elevator before taking off her pink and green flowered heels. She tired hacked them off her feet before stumbling, bare foot, into the shiny elevator. As the corny music played she thought back to her boy in the hospital bed and she wondered if she would still be her Junior G-man. What if he's changed? The doctor did say that behaviour changes can happen to coma victims. What would she do if Reid wasn't, well, Reid anymore? She couldn't bear the thought. The thought of there being no genius to spout random statistics, the thought that she wouldn't get to ruffle his hair one more time and see that dork-cute half smile he always did. She quickly wiped away the tears that had already fallen from her cheeks and realized something. Reid would be Reid when he came out of this. He would be fine; with the help of lots and lots of cookies that is. A reminiscent smile made its way to her lips as she stepped out of the elevator and walked to her separate room. The technical analyst barely had enough time to change into her pyjamas before she collapsed on her bed and promptly fell asleep.

Silently glad that each person had gotten their own room, Hotch made his way to his, although it was not long after climbing the first three steps, he decided to take the elevator. His legs were beginning to really shake from exhaustion. That instantly reminded him of Hayley; how when he found Hayley lying bloody and dead on their bedroom floor, he began to shake uncontrollably. His eyes became slightly cloudy just thinking about that day; the day he brought his work home with him and it ended up killing the love of his life. As a stray tear travelled down his sunken cheek he was grateful for the privacy of the elevator, he didn't want the team to see him like this; like he was a broken man. He had to be strong. Everyone relied on him to be the one to look up to, but somewhere in the past couple of weeks, the stress had become too much, or maybe he was just tired. He was hoping the latter. As he left the safety of the elevator and walked to his room, he wiped the lone tear away, hoping the pain would go with it. The pain of not knowing; not knowing the future, not knowing if Reid was going to survive this, not knowing what injuries he had sustained while being held by Ethan. _Not knowing is everything_. It's not the injuries or pain that kills you, it's the plain uncertainty; it gnaws at your soul until there's nothing left. That is what scared the unit chief the most; the unknown. Reluctant to get into his pyjamas, a singlet and boxers, Hotch pulled the cover's up over his drained form and hesitantly closed his eyes. He knew his body needed rest, but he didn't know that his mind would let it. Some minutes later, he found comfort in knowing that his colleague, friend, and well, son, in more ways than one, would one day be okay. He was Reid. He could do anything, be anyone. He just hoped that Reid would still be Reid when he came out of this.

Despite the tired limbs of the agent, Morgan decided to run up the stairs. He needed to blow off some steam. He was admittedly a little disappointed when he found the hotel didn't have an on-site gym, although he shook it off, knowing he needed his rest. He needed to be there for Reid when he got out of this. As soon as the doctor told him that behavioural changes may occur, he vowed to himself. He promised that no matter who the man in the other room woke up to be, he would still be there for him. Although he did take comfort in knowing that Reid remembered them, but when he spoke to the doctor quietly about this, he still was adamant that certain personality changes could still happen. Sure, that doctor is not going to win an award for being the most comforting doctor, but at least he was honest. He told him the truth. Morgan was sweating hard now, but he was unsure of whether it was because of the exercise, exhaustion or stress; probably a combination if he was honest with himself. As soon as he entered his room he was hit with an unusual wave of loneliness. Normally the geeky best friend of his would be out to it, on the other bed in his room, with a file stuck to his chest and a light snore escaping his slightly open mouth. His chestnut hair would be askew; covering his closed eyes, one of his hands would be atop the file, the other above his head. The image made him chuckle, then a stab of sadness faded into his emotions. Reid was not in his room with him. Reid was not going to ramble any random statistics any time soon. He was positioned perfectly still, excluding the slight rise and fall of his stomach, in a hospital gown on a white sheeted bed, covered in bruises and casts. Morgan squeezed his eyes shut at that image, stripped down to his underwear and nestled under his covers. He fell asleep knowing that Reid would be too stubborn to not be okay after this. He would survive, and Morgan knew that for a fact.

Rossi wasn't stupid enough to even try to climb the stairs, he was much too exhausted. Even though he told Hotch earlier in the day that he had left to get some rest with everyone else, he hadn't really; he had found a private bar on the corner and walked there. It was a nice red-curtained, stained wood type of place, authentic feel to it. He had wound down with a glass of their best red wine, and right now, he just wanted to be back there again. He didn't want to think about his team; his family that he saw nearly every day. He wanted to deal with his problems on his own. He couldn't bear to see the young, smart and truly deserving agent waste away to nothing, he was glad he had woken up at least. On the outside, he may seem like some old man who only cares about himself, but that is his shell. He only made that shield because he has seen all the bad, horrific and truly disgusting things that people do to one another and he had experienced his fair share of very personal cases, he didn't want to let anyone in that he may lose again. He didn't think he could bear it after all of his time in the bureau. He hoped very dearly that Reid would come out of this okay, he knew he could, but there was something that he felt for everybody on this team, love, and it made him hate the fact that Ethan had gotten to his family member so easily. Ethan. The name ran chills down his spine. What he did to Reid… What he did to Ally… nobody deserved. As he made it into his room, he sat upon his bed with a haggard sigh. He didn't know what he would do if Reid didn't turn out to be Reid after the tests tomorrow. Sure, he would be there for him, but he knew that the team would never be the same. He briskly changed into his pyjamas and got beneath the comforter, knowing that one way or another his life would change tomorrow.

She walked briskly, ignoring the way she stumbled a couple of times. She refused to think about him until she was safe; away from seeing eyes. As soon as she shut and locked her room door, she was all alone. Emily's eyes began to cloud up with pent up anger, sorrow, pain, stress and exhaustion. She was overwhelmed. Emily Prentiss, FBI Agent, compartmentalize specialist, was overwhelmed. The first time she saw Reid she wanted to sob. She wanted to be Garcia for a brief moment in time, just so she could let her emotions free. Although she remembered seeing Hotch's cloudy eyes, she still wanted to be able _not_ to cry, to be strong in front of everyone. As the first tear slid down her pale cheek, she wiped it away hastily. She truly hated crying. She thought it made her look weak. She didn't want pity or a shoulder to cry on; she just wanted everything to be okay. Just once; no serial killer murdering people, no colleague in a hospital bed fighting for his life… With a sigh, she mustered enough strength to stand and turn on the shower. Ever since she was young, this was how she dealt with things. She wouldn't cut herself like other kids would; she would stand in the shower and cry. Nobody could hear you; therefore there was nobody to judge you. You could just break. And right now, as she thought about the cute, socially challenged genius, lying unconscious, battered and bruised in a hospital bed, that is exactly what she did. She couldn't bear to think about what he was going through. He must be so scared and alone. Emily truly hated feeling to helpless. She couldn't ease her friend's pain; not one bit. She was truly scared that they would lose their Reid. As she hoped, no, _pleaded _that he would be okay, she exited the shower and didn't bother to look in the mirror, she knew what she would find; a red-eyed broken woman. She didn't bother to dry her hair; she got changed and curled up under her comforter. She would cry no more. No more negative thoughts, Reid would be fine and get out of this in one piece. With that, she fell into a semi-restful slumber, hoping that her friend would still be the geeky genius she knew and, ultimately, loved.

She was pale and shaking with exhaustion, the stairs were obviously not the way to go when you have barely slept in forty eight hours. As she opened her door, the sheer cold hit her like a smack in the face. She knew the room wasn't cold at all, she was. JJ's body was so exhausted its temperature gauge was out the window. As she checked her clock hopefully, she was disappointed to learn that it was only five in the morning back in Virginia; too early to call Will, too early to talk to Henry. Her stomach dropped with dread at that moment. What if Reid didn't come out okay? What if he changed and didn't remember Henry? No. She refused to believe that. Henry wouldn't understand, he was only a boy after all. She stripped, changed into her pyjamas and lay flat on her bed. Homesickness was fading in and out as she scrolled through the photos on her phone. Photos of Henry, Will, then both of them flicked through her eyes, until she stopped upon a certain picture. Tears pricked her eyes and overcame their barriers. JJ had always prided herself on being a strong, independent woman, but now, looking at this photo, she was more of a sobbing girl. Tears practically flew from her blue eyes as she continued to stare at the photo; it was one of Reid and Henry taken only a month or two previously. Reid and Henry were sitting on the carpet at JJ's home with a jigsaw on the ground. Reid was gazing amazed at his Godson with a smirk on his face as Henry tried to complete the puzzle. JJ knew that Spence wasn't amazed by Henry completing the puzzle; the look on his face was one that she held all of the time that she was with her son. The look practically said _how could I love something so small, so much? _She kept staring at the picture until her body forced her own teary eyes to close, sealing out the horrors of the past weeks and replacing it with the memories of Reid and Henry, giving her the gift of restful sleep.

**WOOP WOOP LONGEST CHAPTER YET! :D **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I enjoyed writing it! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE DIAGNOSIS! (even I don't know what's wrong with Reid yet!) ;) Thanks soooo much for reading! I survived my first week back at school, barely :P but I still will be trying to update weekly! Thanks soooo much for your patience! **

**Thank you all for reviewing, favouriting, following! Im humbled! (please feel free to continue to do so!) haha Please review and chuck me your opinions on this chapter! I hope I was all in character! If not, you have permission to say I suck :P ahahah Thanks again! :D haha **

**Claire. xx**


	16. Right Side

**_Enjoy!_**

_It was dark and cold in the room he thought was a basement. He felt hot breath on the back of his neck. Then he heard the screams. Someone was calling for him. The high pitch resounded throughout his mind as the pained noises erupted, time after time. Soon, he began to hear grunts that were not of pain; but pleasure. His stomach contorted and he felt physically ill. The sound of cracking bones soon entered the chorus. Then suddenly, there was silence. _

_He felt hot breath against his skin once more, and then he heard an oddly affectionate voice sound._

_'Spencer…'_

Reid opened his eyes wide as the sweat poured down his brow. His breathing was quick and shallow. An annoying fast pace beeping was sounding, doing nothing for his already prominent headache. He saw the white room around him without turning his head and his brain deduced that he was in a hospital. _What just happened? _Spencer thought as his brain was piecing things together; he almost got to the answer before someone ruined it for him.

A red headed nurse briskly strode inside, speaking as she made her way to his bedside.

'Spencer? Spencer, it was just a dream, no need to worry, honey.' The particularly striking nurse smiled at him as she checked the charts, and the heart monitor that was going berserk.

'Hun, I need you to breath for me. Just take some deep breaths…' The nurse spoke smoothly.

Reid was slightly annoyed at the fact he hadn't had enough time to work out that it was a dream before she did, but he knew as much as to obey the woman in blue scrubs; she was, after all, a nurse and he wasn't _that_ type of Doctor. After his breathing slowed, the nurse spoke once more.

'That's it, awesome. Now, I need to go tell Doctor Langham that you're awake. I will be back soon, honey. Sit tight.' With that she smiled and left, knowing her orders were strict; she was not supposed to ask him anything before his exam was done.

As he watched the young, petite nurse leave, he tried to turn his head to look at himself. He had the strangest feeling that something bad was going on; he just didn't know what. As soon as he began to tilt his head, hot spikes of pain rattled his brain as his headache took a turn for the severe end of things. Spencer squeezed his eyes shut, willed the beeping to stop and began to wonder why he was here. _He remembered going to see Henry at JJ's on Friday afternoon, packing for Vegas to see his mom, getting to his hotel, sleeping, waking up, seeing Diana, then… blank, then he was in hospital._ He tried harder and harder to remember every detail; he didn't like the feeling of forgetting such valuable information… As he was fighting against the hysteria of the big blank spot in his memory, the name _Johnny Alegre _was brought to mind, the door opened again.

Reid huffed out an annoyed sigh, he hated being interrupted; just had he had been… twice in just the space of 10 minutes.

'Doctor Reid. It's great to see you're awake.' A deep voice spoke as Reid hesitantly opened his eyes, becoming quickly aware of the restraint his body had. He could barely move. As soon as the light hit his eyes once more, they squeezed shut in pain. A meagre groan escaped his lips.

'Here, Hun, let's get you some pain relief, shall we?' The voice of the nurse returned, as well as the panic in Reid's mind. _What did she mean by pain relief!?_

_'_No, no… I… I'm f-fine. Where's my team? Where's agent Hotchner?' He tried to protest, his heart was racing with concern. He couldn't have any narcotics.

'It's alright, they are on their way in now, and I called them myself. Hun, its only Paracetamol.' The woman spoke again. With that, Reid relaxed, but only slightly; pink began to attach to his cheeks as he realized she must have read his medical history. Before he could continue to dwell on that, the male voice, Reid now recognized to be Dr Langham's, spoke.

'Dr Reid, do you know why you are here?'

With that, Spencer's brain began to recall everything since he first awoke in the white room. _Hotch, Dr Langham, Nadine the red head nurse, the scans… _One thing he definitely remembered from the MRI, when the Dr ever so kindly told him he had been in a coma for the past 2 weeks.

'Yes.' Spencer's voice was heavy with the information that had come to light once more. He began to tremble, only slightly.

'Good, very good, Dr Reid. I have a neurologist waiting outside; I need you to undertake a physical exam to see the extent of your brain damage. You see, when someone has been in a coma…'

'I know, Doctor. Just send them in.' Reid spoke, somewhat sharply. He wanted so badly to see his team, but he had to wait. His eyes were still closed as he waited for the pain relief to kick his headache in the butt.

Spencer heard two pairs of footsteps leave the room, only to be followed with the sound of a single pair entering.

'Hello, I'm Dr Riley, but I honestly hate that title, so just call me Shawn.' A soft, laid back but obviously male voice entered the room with the footsteps. Reid made no move to open his eyes or move his lips. He heard the footsteps stop where the seat next to his bed was, followed by the sound of a sigh as the man sat.

'What's your name?' Riley asked casually, as if beginning a simple conversation.

'Dr Spencer Reid, 30 years of age, right handed, I am an FBI criminal profiler for the Behavioural Analysis Unit at Quantico Virginia, I have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute. I hold Ph.D.'s in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering, as well as B.A.s in Psychology and Sociology.' Reid spoke quietly, as if he was performing a speech that he had already said one million times, but this time he didn't feel like going through the whole _philosophy _questioning so he left that part out. He expected Shawn to be amazed like everyone else was, but he himself was surprised when Riley opened his mouth.

'Really? I'm a 183. All of my Ph.D.'s are in medical areas, one less than you though.' He stated casually, his voice sounded young.

Reid opened his eyes to size the man up, ignoring the nagging of his headache. Sure enough, a male, around Reid's age, with sandy blond hair, strong build and muscular face sat before him. Although he was quite hansom to others, he had an awkward air about him. Reid felt both comforted and… threatened by Riley.

'Now, seeing as you're probably very sore and tired already, let's get started before you begin to doze.' Riley stood as he spoke, bringing over a table with wheels that patients use to eat off of.

'Can you move your right arm for me?'

Spencer did so, gently; feeling the muscles start to make them known. It felt like heaven to stretch his fingers. Hating to take it so slow, he moved his neck once more, so he could actually face the man before him. The pain and stiffness was there but he managed through it, although he was alarmed by how physically tiring it was. Riley told him to take it slow, but Reid was determined. He hated Hospitals; the sooner he showed that he was absolutely fine, the faster he could escape. A chorus of _Push pull _filled the room as he tested Spencer's strength and movement of his uncast features. Soon enough, Shawn had tested all of his physical body, bar walking, and was slowly realizing difficulties. As soon as he placed a pencil and paper on the table next to Reid, Riley knew that they were going to have problems.

'Can you pass me the pen, mate?' Riley asked, casual as ever; his very slight Australian accent becoming known.

Reid sensed the hesitancy in his voice and was slightly humoured at the man before him thinking that he couldn't pick up a pen, but the nagging voice in his head told him that Riley was a professional, if he was hesitant, something must be wrong.

Although it felt as if he had just run a marathon, Reid slowly lifted his arm toward the table. His hand hovered above the pen and suddenly dropped on top of it. Reid was just quietly startled at how hard the task had turned out to be. His breath was becoming slightly laboured as he moved his skinny fingers slowly around the middle of the pen. As Reid tried to lift the pen off the table, all that happened was his hand moved, but the pen fell through his curled fingers on his horizontal hand. Determined, Spencer tried again. He couldn't help the panic starting to set in, his headache become worse and his breathing was becoming noticeably laboured. As he laid his fingers atop the pen once more, he moved his thumb to grab the other side to hold it firmly. He pushed as hard as he could, all his strength went to the use of his fingers. His teeth were clenched shut in frustration. He went to move his hand toward Riley once more, but the pen dropped from his grasp. Reid's head fell back on his pillow with utter exhaustion, although his mind was racing with possibilities; possibilities that didn't include him still being on the team. Nervously, Reid tried to calm his heaving chest down, chopping the weakness down to lack of movement. Oh how he knew he was wrong, the statistics were there, just as they had been before, always plaguing his mind. New worry waded into his head as he realized his breathing wasn't slowing.

Riley pressed the emergency button, Spencer's his heart monitor was beeping crazily, his face was hot and sweaty, and his skinny body was trembling. He tried to speak to the young man, but he was unresponsive; sometime during the last couple of seconds, Spencer's eyes had rolled back in his head and his mouth was agape like a fish gasping for air. The trembling began to worsen, his body lunging off the table, casts bumping the railing and the table fell to the floor. Dr Langham entered and began to work on Spencer with a couple of nurses and Riley, having read his progress so far, knew that this wasn't his first seizure.

This was _not_ a good sign.

**Sorry its been so long, but I thought I should post the next chapter on the one month anniversary of me starting the story! One month already!? Wow! Thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking with me from the beginning, and to my new readers also! You are all very awesome and im lucky to have as much awesome reviewers and followers and favouriters and readers as you guys! :D**

**Special mention to ****_LoveReid_****- I added a little something in there for you, did you spot it? ;)**

**I will be back on soon! Thanks again! Xx **

**Claire. :)**


	17. Long Time, No See

**ENJOY! :)**

Doctor Langham was having his early-morning cup of coffee when his pager began to beep like crazy. He mentally hoped that it wasn't anything to do with Spencer Reid, the young doctor who had been in a coma for two weeks, but as the numbers flashed on the tiny screen the man inwardly sighed. Reid had woken at 5, by half-past Dr Riley was doing his neurological exam and now, at six, he was getting paged to that exact room. He seriously wondered if someone had it in for the young man, hadn't he had enough already? As he jogged down the halls that he had come to know so well, he thought back to his patients utterly exhausted team, how they refused to leave him alone, not for one moment. It was strangely admirable but they needed their rest. As he got to the doors, he inwardly pleaded that nothing was too serious, even though it was an emergency call, he didn't want these FBI agents to go through any more stress than they had already.

Jogging to the bedside of Dr Reid, he saw Dr Riley trying to help the young man from flying off of the bed. With a stern look towards the younger Riley, he left the room with a pitying look upon his face; Langham knew that it was pity for the man on the hospital bed. Two nurses helped him stabilize the patient; no intubation tube was inserted. Looking over the sweating, pale agent, he decided an extremely low dose of morphine was needed; Spencer was in too much pain, no matter what his history file said. Nadine, the red headed nurse, gave Langham a disapproving look as he plunged the transparent liquid into his IV tube. With a quick checking of his casts and other monitors, Lanham wiped the sweat of his own face and left the room to finish his cup of coffee. As he let the door swing shut he saw Dr Riley standing awkwardly outside.

'Doctor?' Riley spoke as soon as he caught sight of the man.

'Riley.' Langham nodded towards the man.

'How is he?' Shawn spoke somewhat timidly as he took in the other doctor's sweaty solemn face.

'He's alright for now. How did your exam go?' Langham fired a question back, not wanting to speak on his patient's condition; for some reason he felt intimidated by Riley.

'Oh, not very well I guess. I got the mental exam finished rather quickly, looks like he has some difficulties there as well as on his right side. I noticed a significant weakness there.' Riley thought back to his exam, his voice going automatically into professional mode.

Langham nodded. His pager began to ring once more. Without another glance at the younger man, he looked at the screen once more, turned on his heels and walked away; noticing out of the corner of his eye that Riley had awkwardly wandered towards the elevator. _Saved by the bell_ he thought, but soon he became unusually saddened two things. One being that Spencer Reid probably won't have a very smooth sailing recovery and the other being that his coffee was going to be cold by the time he got back. Sighing at the thoughts, he continued to briskly walk, dodging beds and other staff in the hallway, and tended to his pager.

It was a silent agreement. Everybody made their way down to the lobby of the Las Vegas Hotel at 8 o'clock in the morning. The silent agreement being that the earlier they got up, the faster they could see Reid; so naturally, nobody was going to meet downstairs at the later time of ten. Hotch didn't say anything as he knew he would be up just as early as well. The car ride was silent apart from the normal hellos and ordering of coffee. Just as the six team members were about to walk down the hall to their colleagues room, they were stopped by Dr Langham and a younger looking man with sandy hair.

'Agents, this is Doctor Shawn Riley, he is the doctor who performed Spencer's evaluative examination.' The gruff voice of Langham interrupted their thoughts.

The team exchanged nods and effort-full smiles towards the man, hoping that they had good news.

'Would you all like to sit down?' Riley's deep but awkward sounding voice spoke as he gestured towards the waiting room seats.

'Actually, I think I speak for all of us when I say we would prefer to stand.' Rossi spoke as he though back to the many hours each of them had spent in that horrid room, needless to say nobody protested.

'Well, before I begin I think you all should know that Dr Reid has had another seizure while Dr Riley was performing the physical exam. Now, Spencer is asleep at the moment which has given us time to discuss his position with other professionals. Although his seizure may have been caused by stress, it could also have been caused by the state of legal death he has experienced previously. You see, when you die, the oxygen to your brain is cut off and areas of the brain matter slowly deteriorate. The seizure may have been caused due to this deterioration on the section of his brain that controls his muscle movements. My theory is that his muscles have spasms, causing extreme pain, and then his heart rate speeds up due to the amount of pain, causing his mind to panic and shut down temporarily to preserve itself. So basically, it's just a muscle spasm then passing out, not an actual psychologically caused seizure. Also, the results of his scans further suggest that this theory is the more probably option as there is no obvious swelling in the area of the mind that contributes to seizures but the human mind, being the maze that it is, is a very confusing thing so I may be wrong. The swelling on his brain has significantly decreased too, making Spencer able to wake up and stay up for longer periods of time, which is why I chose now to have Dr Riley perform the examination.' Dr Langham finished his explanation and gestured towards Riley.

'Well, the news on this side of the fence is not very good I'm afraid, but it is better than what others have come out of a coma with. Dr Reid's mental examination was extremely fast, it being apparent that his logical brain is still intact, along with his IQ. But I did notice a complication, when I asked him a logical choice question; he took a considerable amount of time to answer. Now this might be because he is having difficulties retrieving his memory of the answer to that particular question, or that his thinking capability is a slight but hindered, making him answer slower. On the other hand, he may just be shocked; after all he has just come out of a coma. Furthermore he doesn't remember the incident that caused him to get into a hospital, but that could just be the work of the trauma he has been through. Another thing I noticed was that, during the physical examination, his right arm was significantly weaker than that of his left, to the point that he could not pick up a pen without great difficulty. Severe physical therapy should help this, but when he is out of his casts we will have to do another physical, to see if it's his whole right side, or just his arm; but there is no droop to his facial muscles which is a positive sign. I dearly hope that Dr Langham's theory is correct, but you need to know that Dr Reid may have those seizures, if they are seizures, for the rest of his life. All of the difficulties he faces after his coma will not go away, so we will not ignore them. Spencer is going to need all of the support he can get, and from the looks of you, I am glad he has such a caring family like you agents. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.' Dr Riley ended on a very grim note; he was never very good a breaking news to family members.

As soon as the word 'seizure' had been spoken by the Doctor, Garcia had desperately wished she had spoken up about wanting to sit down. She slowly leaned against the wall for all of its support. Her eyes were like waterfalls, tears pouring out of them as the doctor continued the explanation of her baby's situation. Her mind wandered to what the future would hold for them; for Reid. Would he still be on the team? A cynical voice in her head answered no… All field agents had to be in tip-top shape, and having regular seizures was exactly as unhealthy as it sounded. When the blond doctor began to speak, she inwardly smiled at his awkwardness that reminded her so much of Reid, how awkward he was, how he missed certain social queues… It was overwhelmingly cute when her Junior G-Man would smile that half smile whenever he apologised for going on a rant. A feeling of hope rose through her tears when she heard him talk about how his smarts were still intact… Maybe he still was himself; the cute, awkward, geek, genius of a little brother that he had always been to her. As soon as she would get into that room of his once more, she wouldn't hesitate to pull him in for a hug and tell her how much she loved him. Reid would always hold a special place in her heart. And as Morgan pulled Garcia in for a hug she knew she would always be there for him, always. No matter how broken he was Garcia would mend him back together.

It just didn't seem real, any of it. Not the parts about Reid having a seizure and trouble thinking or moving… it just didn't sound like him. Emily crossed her arms over her chest. None of this was real. She would wake up and see Reid in his sweater vest and Chuck Taylors with a coffee in hand, ready to work. Emily longed to hear his voice. For some reason, it felt like she had all together forgotten what it sounded like. She wanted to hear him spout off one of Rossi's books and see the look on Rossi's face. Emily tilted her head down, not willing to let the weakness show. The weakness in tears that she had tried so long to keep behind her barriers began to leak, and a stray tear fell from her dark eyes. What had Reid ever done to deserve all of this utter crap!? Nothing! He is the most innocent person… At that moment she felt a comforting arm wrap around her shoulder; Rossi's arm. She could have sworn she would have looked like a child being hugged by her father. Hesitantly, Emily let her barriers crumble and her head fell against Rossi's comforting shoulder as she thought about Reid and how scared he must be; how alone he must feel. God knows how scared she was when Reid had been taken. She had hid it well when she had come back after Doyle, but she was scared that she had broken Reid; that her death would have crushed him. And now, the tables had turned; if Reid had died… No. Reid isn't dead. He's alive and he will be for another fifty years. Whatever troubles he had, he told Emily; and now was no different. Emily shook off Rossi's arm lightly, and looked straight ahead in determination. As her tear tracks shone in the light, she knew that as long as he had this team, he would come out of this in one piece.

Although the sleep had done her some good, nothing had prepared JJ's pure hope for the news the doctors had to tell. The glass like strength of the hope she held was shattered in the first sentence, and by the last, her thin arms were wrapped around her middle; as if to keep herself together. The exact same position she had been in on the car ride to the hospital. Nobody had spoken, nobody dared to break the ice of absolute shock. When JJ had followed Morgan through the already open door to the basements only room, her heart had stopped upon seeing the bloody beaten and mangled body underneath that _bastard._ There were many things that JJ regretted about that case; one in particular being that she didn't get to end Ethan's life with her own gun. JJ was a very strong and loving woman, but when you find out she wished she had killed someone, that's where you know whoever that person was, deserved to die. As the blond man interrupted her thoughts, the nerves began to set in, this was it; finding out if Reid was still… well, Reid. She smiled at the man's telling of how obviously his IQ was still intact, bringing back memories of unrelated facts and supposedly fascinating statistics. Despite the physical and mental flaws she had been told that Reid had gained, she realized the real moment of truth would be when she spoke to Spence. Hotch must have noticed her wide eyes because at that moment he lifted he hand and placed it on the younger woman's shoulder. A rare sign of comfort that was there one moment, and gone the next; JJ just hoped that Reid wasn't the same.

When the two men had finished their rather long explanations, Rossi had just nodded. It seemed that that was the only thing the Italian man could do; just nod. He didn't know what he would do if Reid didn't recover. He was one of the best agents he had ever seen. The pure determination combined with innocence in his youthful eyes. The amount of knowledge that mind held. It was just astonishing. Rossi had never been a very verbal person with personal things. He never was one to say 'I Love you' first, he was a tough love kinda' guy. But when Reid had gotten kidnapped, he felt empty. As if something was missing from his hectic life that he couldn't ever replace; the young man had certainly grown on him. To be honest, Rossi was happy to go home… not that he didn't care about the young man in the hospital bed; he just wanted to escape from the nightmare that his life had seemingly been surrounded by. One of his agents, friends and even family member, was in a hospital bed. He had been tortured and drugged, and Rossi hadn't been able to stop it. That was the big thing for him; that Rossi hadn't been able to protect the young man. He knew Hotch would be feeling the very same, if not, even more responsibility than Rossi did. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Prentiss tilt her head down and heard her sigh. That was her tell and Rossi knew that she needed some support right now. Doing the only thing he thought she would be comfortable with, he wrapped one arm around her shoulder. The gesture showed the caring he felt for her, and ultimately the team. He never showed his feelings, but things have to change in order for others to change too. Reid needed them right now, and if that meant showing his love and support for him, then that is what he would do.

The familiar twitch of Morgan's trigger finger brought some comfort at least. Ethan was dead, Morgan had killed him with his own gun; he didn't exactly take pleasure in ending the bastard's life, but he wasn't too broken up about it either. Rage had built, brick by brick, when they described what Reid's complications may become. The severe weakness in his right arm worried Morgan the most. He knew in his heart that Reid was still himself, but a life at the BAU without the resident genius? That was unthinkable. The pair had been working together for over seven years now; it had just become the norm to see the skinny, brown haired, awkward genius sitting at the desk across from him. Tears of despair and rage clouded his sight as he thought about how Ethan had gotten to him so badly, and how slow Morgan had been in response to the kidnapping. If he had only been earlier to piece things together, then Reid wouldn't be facing another round of drug addiction, abuse and torture as well as the therapy; which Morgan knew Reid detested. The familiar feeling of worry came upon him as he thought about how much Reid had to get passed now… Could Pretty-boy handle it? He had already faced so much in his 30 years… too much. Morgan wrapped his arms around Garcia as she cried, hoping that the numbing sobs that were escaping would soothe the pit of utter rage he held. Reid just had to be okay, that was the only way that Morgan could live with this. Without his little brother, Morgan would break.

The first time he had heard the words, Hotch had taken them in; he had hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. But the preparing never actually does match up against the worst, does it? It's still always a kick in the gut; just like the guilt felt. When Hotch was a child, he had learnt the stoic expression his face always held; he had learnt not to let anyone see your true self or you would be seen as weak and, because of his father, get hurt. Pain was always associated with showing your emotions. The more you cried, the more you got hit. Eventually, he just stopped showing them. The bruises fade but the pain never did. And Hotch knew that this guilt and responsibility for his agent and his injuries would never disappear. Hotch had felt this helpless before, with Hayley when she was murdered, and now he was experiencing it again. His eyes clouded ever so slightly as the doctor's finished their talks; this was his fault… if he had just picked up that phone and called Reid… He wouldn't be in this position right now; scared, alone, tired, clueless… Looking around the room he saw the stages he had been taught to notice in extreme grief; the denial Emily held, the shock Garcia and JJ's faces showed, the anger that radiated from Morgan, the guilt that was pitted in the stomachs of Rossi and himself. Hotch would never forgive himself; he knew that much. Seeing the shocked eyes of JJ fill with tears, he solemnly lifted his hand and placed it on her shoulder. It only lasted a few seconds but it proved to everyone, and most importantly Hotch, that he was human; that he could show his emotions without getting hurt. It dawned upon the senior profiler that what Reid needed most right now was not a doctor, although it certainly helps, but a friend or even a father. After nearly 7 years together in the BAU, Hotch had watched the boy with the high IQ turn into the man he was today, and Hotch was not about to let all of that become wiped away just because of Ethan. He wouldn't give that bastard the satisfaction. Hotch sucked in a breath before meeting the eyes of the Doctor's before him.

'We would like to see out colleague now.'

'You know the room.' Langham replied, stepping aside so the group of six could pass.

One by one the six agents passed through the familiar door, the girls sat and the men stood next to Spencer's hospital bed.

Just as Penelope placed the cute brown teddy bear back to its place next to Spencer's cheek, his eyes fluttered open. The familiar colour of his youthful, but rather tired, looking eyes was a wave of relief. It had been a long time since they had seen Spencer, awake that is. Reid hadn't changed. At least, that's what they thought.

**WOAH! LONGEST CHAPTER YET! You proud? Because I am! ;) haha Thanks for Reading! Sorry I haven't been on in over two weeks, just got covered in a whole lot of crap so I haven't had much time to update! But I hope my long chapter makes up for it!? :P Thanks for reading and Reviewing! Love you guys so much! Seriously, your Reviews give me so much confidence that I don't know what to do with it! ;) haha **

**Tell me whatcha think about this chapter!? All opinions welcome! Even you, Guest Readers! Xx**

**-Claire.**


	18. Not Out of the Woods Yet

_**Enjoy! :)**_

_Dark. That's all he could think off. It was fearfully dark. Fog ambushing him from all angles. Heart beating fast, limbs shaking; he could feel something was not right. Slowly the fog faded into nowhere, allowing the minimal amount of light to shine through. Squinting, he could see the steep hill that was the only thing before the smaller man, towering, daring him to climb up its tiring slopes. An unknown force urged him forward, whether it was curiosity, Spencer did not know. Slowly, taking a step forward, he began to climb the grassy hill. As soon as his foot touched the green grass of the earth, he started to sink. Suddenly a scream sounded from over the hill, triggering his instincts into overdrive; that was a scream of pain. His gut was telling him to run to it, needing to help the person who was in trouble. Lugging his foot out of the quick-sand like grass, he lunged forward, up the steep slope. Each step he took, he would sink deeper and the screams would become louder and more pain-ridden. Soon, the screaming multiplied into many, but all in the same voice. _

'_Spencer!' _

'_Stop! Help me!'_

'_Please, stop!'_

_Those words chilled his heart and he felt a familiarity to not only these words, but that voice, wash over him. The screams faded into sobs of anguish. Trying to lunge forward again, he realized he was stuck; the melting grass, which was now up to his knees, was too strong, swallowing him slowly but surely. Fear had frozen him solid effectively holding him still. A wicked and unmistakably male laugh erupted from the shadows surrounding him, making the fear heighten. His limbs were shaking with fatigue and fear as the earth continued to eat him alive, the sweat still glistened on his forehead from the little light that shone. Failure won over him as he heard the sobs abruptly stop, dead. He had failed her, she needed him and he failed; the familiarity was back again as a small voice snuck up on him, sounding broken. _

'_Spencer, why didn't you help me?' A bloodied white hand stroked his cheek as he tried to see the owners face but was left unrewarded as it was covered in darkness. Spencer tried to speak, only to find his lips, just like the quick-sand, were melting together. He tried and failed yank his hands out of the rapidly chasing quick-sand and reach his melting lips. _

'_Liars don't have the right to speak, Spencer.' The voice that had made the bone-chilling laugh filled his ears, but this time with an oddly affectionate tinge to the tone. Again, a figure stood in front of his slowly sinking form, but the darkness covered his face. Reid moaned trying to speak, to say anything, to plead. 'Uh-uh-uh, I think it's time to have your medicine, Spencer. You get a little too… conscious when you don't take it. Isn't that right, Spencer?' The sickening voice spoke, holding out a syringe in the light, just so he could see the clear liquid that filled the object. Dilaudid. Panic gripped him by the throat, or was that the quicksand? The man launched the syringe into the exposed flesh of his throat and the groans subsided. His eyes rolled back into his head, and blood rushed out of his quickly disappearing nose, effectively silencing the now sunken, dead man._

'Oh! Pumpkin! You're awake!' The cheerful voice of none other than Penelope Garcia made him realize that his eyes were now open. Reid blinked at the rather bright lights that attacked his eyes, he was going to have to get used to that. Noting that the sparkling sequins on Garcia's dress didn't help his eyes much he forced a smile, which turned out to be more of a grimace, upon his face. Coughing he moved to sit up and winced at the pain in his chest, only to have pairs of hands gently pull him back downwards.

'Nuh-uh Pretty Boy, you ain't escaping just yet.' The friendly voice of Derek Morgan joked as he pushed his best friend gently down, back onto the rather uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed. Just the sight of the faded bruising and the casts made the rage boil uncontrollably. Just seeing what that bastard Ethan did to his brother… His death just wasn't enough to pay for the pain he had caused, to Reid, and to all of them. Swallowing harshly, he forced a playful smile on his lips and lightly placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, a sign of how much he had worried about him these past weeks. He just hoped the urge to use wasn't as strong as it had been in his past. Just seeing him talk was an improvement from the zombie-like, sleeping form they had all been accompanied by during their many visits; and for that Morgan was grateful.

'Yeah, you have to let us take care of you first, Spence.' JJ added affectionately, helping Spencer to lie back down, running a hand over his as she did so. She missed him so much. His adorably cute half smiles were right up on the list of what she missed most, but his voice was another. The way he would ramble those statistic always fascinated her, even to this day, after years of working with him. For a moment when he was in the coma, she was terrified that Spencer wouldn't remember her, even more so than if he had died. It would be one thing to have your friend, no, your family member dead, but another to have them alive but all of their memories of you had been wiped… JJ shook her head at the thought. Right now, he was awake and talking and smiling. He would be fine. Hopefully.

Reid found the strength and smiled at the six of his team members. To be honest, Reid had missed his surrogate family. Ever since he woke up in hospital, he had been confused, at least now he could maybe get some answers. The last time he could remember all of them together were… Actually he didn't. His mind was blanked out. To cover the fear that nearly swallowed him, he spoke.

'You guys look like you haven't slept in weeks.' Reid coughed out, causing Prentiss to go and pour a glass of water for her friend.

'That's probably because we haven't.' Prentiss spoke; an unfamiliar tone of caring mixed with worry entered her voice. She walked over to the table in the corner that held the jug of water and allowed her to sigh. Reid was awake. The relief washed over her as if it was a bucket of water. She had been so frightened that Reid wouldn't be himself anymore. That Reid would become some pessimistic jerk, after all she had read about that type of thing actually happening. Although she knew he would be okay, she also knew that there was a long road ahead of them, especially Reid. She was scared he would give up, just like she remembered seeing in his eyes during his addiction. He might give up, but she would not. She would be there for him, by his side whenever she was wanted. Nobody would stop her.

'We've been worried sick about you, boy genius!' Garcia spoke up, kissing him on the cheek. It felt so unreal. That's the only word Garcia could think of to describe it. They have their baby boy back with them and god only knew that he was not getting out of Garcia's sight any time soon because every time he did, he got into trouble. Just watching him with Tobias was enough for a lifetime, but those memories she would be forever scarred by. She loved each and everyone one of them so much… it physically hurt when one of them was even in danger. No matter how much the team would say about her worrying too much, nobody could stop her. As long as Garcia was around, she would never abandon this family, no matter how screwed up things got, she would be there and her worry showed how much she loved them, forever and always.

'So that's why I have a soft toy placed next to my face…' Reid said somewhat smiling at the kind gesture, he had expected as much from Garcia.

'You bet, honey! And that's not all!' Garcia lovingly pointed out all the other flowers and teddies that adorned the room.

'I told you guys to keep her away from the gift store.' Rossi joked, moving closer to the end of the bed. This team was definitely more of a family, no doubt about it. The pride Rossi felt for this team, as well as for Reid, made itself known in a rare smile that graced the older Italian man's lips. This didn't go unnoticed, but he couldn't care less. He was tired of burrowing his feelings deep down, away from peering eyes, and somehow that smile had just spoke about everything he was feeling; the guilt, pride, anger, worry, love all mixed in one. Just as he heard Garcia's playful banter with Morgan, he had wondered when he had become such a softie, but he knew that was when he joined the team. These people had grown on him; and there wasn't one thing that could stop them from doing so.

Smiling slightly, Reid reached out to grab the glass that was holding the liquid he so thirstily craved, knowing his left hand was in a cast, he used his right. Even though he had fluids constantly running into his system, his throat was dry from the constant source of air that tunnelled out of the oxygen cannula. Nerves filled him as he remembered the neurologist's test, he had thought that was all just a nightmare, and this would prove it. Lifting up his right arm was not a very big struggle, but as he tried to wrap his fingers around the round glass, he felt the weight become heavy. Prentiss not noticing his struggle, let go of the water as Reid's fingers entrapped it. The playful banter that was being tossed around, now about Garcia's spoiling nature, stopped abruptly when the glass collided with the hard, white-tiled floor; effectively splattering the cold liquid. Reid closed his eyes tightly as the silence filled the room; embarrassment flooded him. What use was he if he couldn't even hold a glass of water?

'Reid, are you alright?' Hotch spoke, trying to keep his voice even, hiding the worry as Reid squeezed his eyes shut. Just when everything was going so well… _Told you so _an annoying voice in his head rang out, effectively crushing the hope that had been pooling in his stomach. As much as he wanted Reid to still be on the team, they couldn't have an agent having seizures, black outs or a physical weakness. They would be a danger to society. Hotch tried to urge him to stop being such a pessimist but he knew he was right… But that didn't mean he couldn't fight for Reid; he had earned his place on the team, probably proved his strength more than he ever needed to. He could do this, with enough physical therapy, these problems may go away… he just needed the support to persevere; and Hotch would be that support, no matter if Reid wanted him or not, Hotch would be there.

'I'm fine.' Reid ground out through clenched teeth, his mind replaying the glass shattering, along with the screams that haunted his dreams.

'It was just a glass of water, Spence. No problem, we will just get a nurse in here to…' JJ spoke softly, trying to dampen the burning tension that filled the room. Nobody wanted to see how bad he was, although the bruises had faded, the casts were still there, and so was their friend, but they had no idea that he would be this weak…

The team's concerned stares and JJ's soothing voice were soon tuned out by the chorus of horrified screams that erupted from his memory. The shattering of the glass as well as the pain in his head, the fear of the unknown, made their way into his thoughts too. The shatter triggered something deep in his mind, the lost memory; a bloodied screwdriver fell to the floor. Reid's head smashed back into his pillow forcefully and he groaned, willing the noises to stop. Spasms erupted from his muscles, sending a fresh dose of white hot pain through his system. Distantly he could hear a whining alarm going off, adding to the sharp stabs of pain and –was that guilt? - straight to his brain. Soon he felt his arms and legs pushed down firmly, and a new wave of panic mixed with pain began, he was trapped. _Spencer! Help! Please! _The screams grew louder in volume and intensity, until the abruptly stopped, and his brain was washed over with a fuzz of tiredness and confusion. Going limp, he felt himself drifting off into a restless sleep, distantly hearing shocked sobs that weren't from his memories. _Spencer, Help me! Stop! Please, Spencer! _One last scream poked through the curtain of drowsiness, and reminded him of a name, and more importantly a person. _Allyson_.

**There you go! **

**Sorry I haven't posted in AGES! *dodges chair* I got a flu that's going round, preventing my thoughts from going in a proper circuit last weekend so I couldn't update! **

**Thank you to the many who reviewed! Your thoughts mean so much! I love them and you ALL! I will try to update soon as I can! Promise! :D **

**Please Review! Any and all kinds welcome! :D Guest readers included! **

**Thanks again!**

**Xx Claire! :D**


	19. A Families Stability

**Enjoy! ;)**

The team was sparsely positioned in Reid's private room; everyone except Rossi, who had left for a supply of the godly substance known as coffee. Each of them replaying the horrible image of their friends face screwed up, teeth bared and clenched, in excruciating pain. His body jerking off the bed at all angles while the nurses rushed to sedate him. It was mentally and physically tiring, watching Reid go through all of this and they couldn't do anything to stop it.

'Reid's going to get through this, guys.' His voice sounded as tired as he looked. He felt the team needed a bit of reassurance, they all looked too immersed in the _'_What if's' of the situation. Staring at all of the agents in the room, he knew exactly what they were thinking about; but it wasn't that hard, everyone was thinking the same thing; everyone was looking at the same genius. He was stood at the back of the room, which was partly why he didn't see the hurt expression that crossed JJ's face as he spoke his reassurance.

Before JJ could stop herself, she found her voice. 'We know, Hotch. You're the only one doubting him here.' JJ spoke; her voice laced with frustration and anger as she stroked Reid's un-plastered hand. Emily gently rubbed her shoulder, telling her to back off a bit. JJ shrugged off Prentiss's warning and stood abruptly.

'As soon as we walked in I could read the doubt in your eyes, Hotch. Give me some credit, I know I'm not a profiler, but working with some has its perks. The only thing _you_ were thinking about was whether or not you should be looking through some new applicants for the BAU!' She raised her voice as she walked towards him deadly slow.

'JJ!' Derek broke in now, leaving his place by the small-sized window. This was getting too far. Hotch just simply stood tall, staring at her.

'No, Derek! We all saw it! The way Hotch asked if he was okay! Like he was some sort of incompetent child! He's not! He will get better and he is going to come back to us!' JJ stopped, tears running down her face as her piercing blue eyes stared deeply into Hotch's, who simply took the outburst.

She found herself going even further. 'You're just looking to cover your own ass. I wouldn't be surprised if you have already got a new transfer clearing out Reid's desk… I thought we were more than that... I thought we were a _family_, Hotch, but clearly I was wrong.' With that chilling tone, she exited the room. Emily chased after her, giving Hotch an apologetic look on her way past him.

Garcia was still sitting in her chair by Reid's bed, stroking his hair numbly as she wiped away the tears that were slowly trickling down her now pale cheeks. Her family was falling apart. She couldn't believe JJ had said the things she did, but right now, it wasn't JJ or Hotch that needed her attention; it was the little, fragile, hurting genius that was sleeping in the hospital bed. After a tense moment, Morgan interrupted the silence.

'You know that wasn't her, right Hotch? It's just getting to all of us, man.' Morgan said truthfully as he walked over to the still stoic boss.

'I know, but that doesn't mean she isn't right. If I had called Reid over the weekend, I knew something was up with him. He was acting strange the whole week… I should have called, and then Ethan wouldn't have done this to him or Allyson. She would still be alive.' Hotch spoke harshly, Morgan could hear the guilt and hate melting off of his words.

'Hotch; you've got to stop blaming yourself, man.' Morgan spoke, staring straight into his boss's eyes. Hoping dearly the message would get through.

Garcia, who was still nonchalantly stroking Reid's tangled locks, had just noticed the wide brown eyes of her friend had opened.

Pushing past the waves of nurses and doctors, patients and their families, JJ ran through the hallways of the intensive care unit with tears streaking her face and in urgent need of a bathroom. She had long ago tuned out the voice of Prentiss, calling her to slow down, and now had found the bathroom entrance. Running inside, she emptied the contents of her small stomach into the white porcelain toilet; the contents only being coffee and what little food she could manage. Before she realized her mistake she felt a pair of hands reach around her hanging but tangled blonde hair and pull it back; the hands being Emily's and the mistake being that she hadn't locked the door. After a couple of moments, her nerves had finally steadied themselves enough to stop the vile fluids escaping her mouth. JJ slumped down against the cubicle wall as she watched Prentiss wet a paper towel and hand it to her, to wipe her face. After doing so, she felt a semi-awkward silence fall upon the two in the stranded bathroom; both waiting for the other to speak first. Just as JJ opened her mouth to speak, she was interrupted.

'I know, Jayje.' Emily's voice was neutral as she slid down the wall to join her friend, receiving a smile from the blond as she did so.

'I just… I don't know if I can do this, Emily… If Reid… If he can't…' JJ began, new tears threatening to fall.

'Then we will find a way to see him, JJ. Nobody is giving up on Reid. Nobody ever will.' Emily reassured her friend, hoping it would get through to her.

'I know, it's just the way he was analysing Reid, it's as if he was eager to…'

'JJ, stop. Don't do this to yourself. You're going to go crazy thinking about that. You have to understand that Hotch is in a bad, if not the worst, situation to be in at a time like this. He has to do his Job. No matter how badly he wants to let it slide, he cannot let Reid be in the field if it would jeopardize people's safety, you know that.' Prentiss spoke as soft as she could, looking her friend deep in the eyes as she pronounced each word, while reaching over to grasp her hand gently. JJ knew that Prentiss was right but she was feeling so conflicted. After a teary moment she spoke again.

'I'm scared, Emily. What if he isn't okay? What if he never comes back from this? I don't think I could watch him deteriorate like he did with Hankel again… I just couldn't…' JJ let her tears fall, saying her fears aloud made them seem even more real and as if it was not possible but probable. Her shoulders shook as all of the stress, sadness, despair, hopelessness of the weeks before erupted in sobs. Letting go of JJ's hand, Emily pulled her into a hug. JJ was crumpled into Emily's side as she sobbed onto her friends shoulder; hoping against hope that their family could get through this.

'Hey there, sweetie pie, how are you feeling?' Garcia smiled down at Reid, wiping away the tear tracks that marred her cheeks. She was greeted by a half smile, followed by a cringe.

'Just swell.' He remarked sarcastically. 'What happened?' he asked as he sat up a little bit, cringing at the light as he did so.

Morgan walked over to the bed, giving Hotch some space. 'Well, Emily was handing you a drink and you accidentally dropped it, then you zoned out… and it went south from there… You had to be sedated…'

'Oh, uh… sorry about that… How long was I out?' He asked noticing the particularly tired look on Morgan and Garcia's faces while trying to avoid dwelling on the embarrassment that he still felt; he couldn't even hold a glass of water.

'A couple of hours, sweet pea, no biggie.' Garcia patted his hand gently, yawning as she did so. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, she was practically falling asleep in her chair.

'Morgan, why don't you and the rest of the team go home for the night? Rossi and I will stay for a little longer.' Hotch spoke solemnly; even though he was asking a question, Derek knew that there was no denying the instruction.

Sighing Morgan went to hold Garcia's handbag as she kissed Reid on the cheek goodnight.

'See ya, Reid. Don't go anywhere.' Morgan joked aloud, causing Reid to shoot him a look. With that, the pair was gone, leaving only Hotch and Reid in the white room.

'How are you?' Hotch spoke after a couple of minutes.

'Fine, I guess…' Reid spoke half-heartedly, remembering the nightmare he had experienced for the second time; the screaming, the quicksand… the Dilaudid. After a moment, Reid's memory was interrupted again.

'Reid, what's bothering you? It doesn't take a profiler to see that something's wrong.' Hotch tried to breach his friend's fragile barriers, knowing the state he was in was not a stable one.

'What? Do you mean the fact that I have just woken up out of a coma!? Or that I have these weird seizures that I cannot control!? Or the nightmares that haunt my sleep...' He raised his voice in anger at the frankly stupid question. Reid inwardly cursed when he soon realized through Hotch's confused look that he had let the last one slip.

'Nightmares, Reid?' Hotch inwardly worried, he didn't think he was ready to know what had happened. It would tear Reid up inside, finally remembering what had happened and more importantly who was involved.

'I…' Reid didn't want to share, but he knew Hotch wouldn't let it go, and he needed to tell someone. Maybe Hotch would have some answers. Sighing as he let the memory flood his vision once more, he began to speak again. 'I just… In the dream, I'm at the bottom of a hill… and I hear a woman screaming at me for help on the other side. Then when I try to run up the hill… it's like quicksand and I slowly sink… then she stops screaming and… and… I feel like I failed to save her and… yeah…' Reid spoke quietly, picking at his gown with his uncast hand, his hair dangling by his face, effectively covering his teary eyes, hoping Hotch wouldn't pick up that he left something out; the part about the Dilaudid.

Hotch sighed deeply, he couldn't imagine what the man was going through, not only during the day but even during his sleep.

'And I remember a name, I think it was… Allyson… Hotch I'm so confused, I-I don't know who is screaming at me or who this Allyson person is, I can't even control my body and if I lose my mind too…' His voice was quiet, but high in pitch, tears filled his eyes as he thought about his sanity; his last resistance.

The time had come. He had hoped so dearly that he wouldn't have to tell Reid, but he realized how naïve he was being; Reid would always have questions, and those questions were in need of an answer. Avoiding Reid's piercing gaze prepared for what may be one of the most difficult conversations of his lifetime.

Reid picked up on Hotch's evasiveness, and spoke up.

'Hotch, what do you know?'

**_WARNING-LONG (but important) A/N_**

**Okay. I am SO SO SO SO SO SORRY! I have been soooo busy with school exams, that I hadn't even realized it had been nearly A WHOLE MONTH since I had updated this story! IM so sorry! Please don't hate me! *Dodges tomato***

**Well on the good side, I have now finished Taking Your Place! (my other story I was working on, if you haven't read it, please do! I need feedback! ;)) SO I will have more time to update this story! WOOP WOOP! AND, DOUBLE GOOD NEWS! Holidays are coming up, which means NO HOMEWORK and FASTER UPDATES! :D **

**Thanks for reading this chapter! I hope it was okay! Please review! Thanks again all the followers and favouriters and general readers! I CANT BELIEVE I AM AT 96 FOLLOWS! OH GOSH! Thanks again! **

**Xx Claire.**

**p.s. I am struggling to come up with ideas of what to put into this story, so It would be GREATLY appreciated if any of you readers would help me? Any ideas, plotlines or things in general you would like to see in this story, review or PM me! I am open to ANY suggestions! I would REALLY appreciate the help, and in turn your happiness! Thanks again! xx**


	20. Sweet Escape

**_Enjoy!  
*28/04 minor edit-grammar correction- clearing to clearly*_**

'Reid, do you have any recollection of how you got here?' Hotch asked carefully, he wanted to see where the young doctor's memory blacked out, even though the older profiler had a feeling it was when Ethan took them; post traumatic amnesia usually starts to kick in around then.

'Uh…' Reid's brow furrowed as he shovelled through his memories, man could he use some pain-killers right now… No, he wasn't going back to those days. Closing his eyes forcefully in concentration, he spoke. 'I remember I was going to see my mom in Vegas, over the weekend… I went to see Henry on Friday night… then I went to Vegas and visited my mom in the hospital, but she was having… having one of her… episodes, so I went back to the hotel… I couldn't sleep. I… I think I went to a local Jazz club to wind down… that's when everything goes black.' Reid sighed, his mother's episode was particularly bad, and she ended up injuring one of the nurses by pushing her over a glass table.

Hotch slouched in his already stiff chair, this was going to be harder than he previously thought. He only hoped he could get through it in one piece. Trauma victims usually remembered everything, or nothing, and clearly Reid was in the latter group. Coma patients had some personality changes, or were overly aggressive, Hotch had no clue how Reid would react. He didn't even know that he had been kidnapped, Hotch knew Reid would have asked when he had a chance but, with his health, his seizures prevented him… Hotch decided to start where Reid had left off.

'Reid, we had enough time to work out that you were walking into the club just as you heard a scream, it was then that you ran towards the person in danger, a prostitute named Mellissa Zellwood. By the time you got to her, her throat was cut; the UnSub approached you and knocked you out. You, not having your gun, were taken with him, for nearly five days.' His voice remaining deep and stable as he looked at his colleague who visibly paled within the first sentence. 'We don't know much about what happened during those five days but, when we found you, you had a screwdriver sticking out of your femur and no pulse. The Unsub was standing over you with a knife, Morgan shot him. We took you to hospital, along with a woman who was held captive with you, Allyson Morris. She had been beaten and raped, causing internal bleeding. She didn't make it. We were later told that you had been stabbed, beaten and starved, as well as drugged, with Dilaudid, as another form of torture… Reid, the man who kidnapped you, it was Ethan Hayes.' Hotch finished his explanation, waiting for Reid to speak. When he did not, Hotch saw that the young man was shaking, in a trance like state. 'Reid?' Hotch reached out to touch his fellow agent.

It didn't seem real. Not to Reid at all, even though he himself had seen the signs; nightmares, flashbacks… It just didn't seem remotely possible for someone to get kidnapped twice in one lifetime. Halfway through Hotch's explanation, Reid had frozen up. He refused to believe that he had been taken again; beaten again, _drugged again_… he didn't want to become _addicted _again too. Allyson was _real;_ she actually was real… that meant her screams were real too. A shiver went down his spine and Reid's brain, in order to protect its capability and ultimate sanity, refused to process the information. It wasn't until the last sentence that he was sure that his boss was lying to him. Ethan. Ethan was his friend. Ethan was smart. Ethan helped him through his addiction_… Ethan had motive, opportunity, means… he played Jazz at the club he went to…he knew about the Dilaudid… _No. It wasn't possible. He distantly felt Hotch's hand grace his arm. Why would his boss lie to him like this? Ethan wouldn't do that… From what he was told Ethan was dead anyway… His friend was dead by Morgan's gun. 'Leave.' Reid said quietly, all energy having drained from him, being replaced quickly with anger when his boss failed to do so. 'Please, just go.' He said slightly louder this time, his voice held a poisonous bite.

Hotch stood slowly, he knew the young agent needed his space, after all, hearing that you have been in a coma for two weeks and have a brain injury involving physical movement after being tortured for five days isn't exactly easy to hear. As he neared the door, it flew open quickly; Dr Langham smiled at him, telling him to stay a moment.

'Agent Hotchner, Doctor Reid,' He nodded to the two. 'Just the people I have been looking for. I'm pleased to inform you that your able to go back home now. I have organised for a bed to be available at a specialist unit in St Grey's Hospital, the closest hospital to your headquarters, Agent Hotchner. Dr Reid will be able to be transported as soon as possible; Nadine is going to be the medical help during the flight to Virginia.' The balding doctor happily informed the pair, whereas Reid looked still frozen, his eyes never leaving his blanket while still communicating the betrayal he felt very effectively.

'Good, I will make some calls to see if we can leave tonight.' Hotch spoke formally, thinking about how much he indeed missed his son, and left the room with a stern nod toward the medical doctor.

Reid still didn't move after Hotch left the room, closing it lightly behind him. He was still battling internally, even though he willed his mind to make sense of what his boss had told him. He was still confused. He must have looked in pain as the doctor soon spoke up.

'Do you need something to ease the pain Dr Reid? Don't worry; it will only be a small dose to make you more comfortable.' Doctor Langham questioned, approaching the younger man. His bruises had faded, hair had been brushed, but he still looked like he had been admitted yesterday.

For what seemed like the first time in five years, Reid didn't protest. He wasn't in much pain at all, but the morphine that the doctor was offering was his escape. His only solace, his mind had been taken with the explanation, his sanity was temporarily lost. So the younger male nodded, giving into the drugs harmonious calls, and succumbing to the mind numbing of the drug entering his system.

* * *

After an hour of calls, he had managed to get the jet scheduled for take-off, the pilots were notified as was the team, and the doctor ran a few last minute tests on Reid before he flew, getting him prepared for the long flight back to Quantico. An ambulance had been arranged to take Reid to the tarmac. The rest of the team was on their way to the airstrip, Rossi was picking Hotch up from the hospital on his way with his bags, and the nurse was going to ride with Reid. Hotch allowed himself a deep but somehow still stressful breath of relief, he was going to see his boy, after three weeks of being away, he was going to get to see Jack. God knows he owed Jessica big time, and he would make it up to his sister in law when he got back, but after he had spent every waking moment with his son.

A tap on the shoulder brought him to reality once more as he realized he was sloped forward on a waiting room chair, dozing. The hand was delicate; _definitely not Rossi's _Hotch thought. He looked up to find a freshly showered and changed Jennifer Jareau.

'Hey Hotch… about before…' JJ started, barely managing to look at her boss as he rose out of his slumped position.

'Don't worry about it.' He said as he grabbed his jacket off of the back of his uncomfortable chair.

'No, the things I said in there… they were wrong. We _are_ a family, Hotch. I.. I... just want Reid to be part of that family still too.' JJ said, now finding the courage to look at her boss in the eyes.

'I know we are, JJ. Reid will always be part of our family, you know that. This whole situation is just getting to us all…' Hotch sighed, quickly running his hand over his face.

Sensing some tension, the media liaison spoke up. 'Do you want to talk about it?' She asked lightly.

Hotch sighed and started walking toward the car park, JJ beside him. 'It's just… I'm missing Jack, that's all.' Hotch spoke truthfully; his voice was ragged with exhaustion.

As the pair reached the black SUV parked right out front JJ spoke. 'Tell me about it…' She joked, a hint of true laughter in her voice, causing Hotch to smile a bit.

The rest of the car ride was silent, with the occasional silent curse under JJ's breath as she was cut off on the free-way. Other than Reid, JJ and Hotch were the last to arrive on the tarmac; the jet door was already open. After climbing the stairs behind JJ, Hotch saw everyone was seated and he spoke up.

'I told Reid.' His voice was solemn.

It took a while for everyone to realize what he was talking about, and when they did, the jet only held faces filled with worry.

'What… How did he take it?' Emily asked, concern leaking from her soft voice as she leant forward, elbows on the table in front of her.

'…Silently.' Hotch moved to take his seat across from Rossi, while JJ sat next to Prentiss, across from Morgan and Garcia; leaving the couch for Reid. That was all that was needed; the profilers awaited the arrival of their team member in silence, each contemplating what the outcomes of the situation could possibly be.

Morgan was sitting next to the window, arm over Garcia, his eyes cast outside the boundaries of the window wishing he could take Spencer's place, hoping to God that this news wouldn't break his best friend.

Prentiss Sighed deeply, her tell, and took the weight of her head off of her elbows, letting her head rest on the cushioned surface of the leather chair, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to numb the cynical voices commenting on Reid that clouded her thoughts.

Garcia let her head fall onto Morgan's firm chest, her arm hugging his middle, letting the rhythmic beat of his steady and strong heart encourage the happy thoughts; that Reid would be okay in the end, he had to be.

Rossi had stood, walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and poured some scotch, hoping the throat warming drink would steady his nerves, and walked back to his seat across from Hotch. He could imagine the amount of betrayal Reid was feeling right now, and the drink certainly numbed those feelings.

JJ was leant forward on the wooden table in front of her, her elbows on the table, head in her hands, hair creating a curtain like effect from the outside world. She thought about how Reid's life must seem like a living hell at the moment and how she needed to let him now that she was there for him. God, she hoped she had the chance.

Hotch had heard the slosh of the liquor in his friends cup, and had almost asked for a glass, but instead he leaned his arm on the arm rest, hand holding his head, while he struggled to figure out what to do next. He hated being so disorganised but he just couldn't care less, he was needed by Reid, although it may not seem so at the moment, he knew the time would come. He just needed to be ready.

The team was so deep in thought that they failed to hear the groans of hospital staff as they carried an out-of-it looking Spencer Reid up the stairs; both of his arms were linked around the necks of two paramedics who were now carrying him through the reasonably sized cabin, and placed him gently on the couch, quickly followed by a red-headed nurse, Nadine, carrying two heavy looking bags.

'Alright, Hun, let's get this show on the road.' The nurse declared after she dropped her bags and quickly set up some fluids with a skill that only a nurse would have. She nodded towards the two paramedics who left the plane without another word.

JJ immediately stood to tell the pilots they were now ready for take-off. After she was seated, the pilot spoke, telling the passengers fasten their seatbelts and soon the jet was slowly moving down the run-way.

A groan escaped Reid's lips as the engine jolted, causing Nadine to pull out a syringe with morphine inside, and insert it into Spencer's arm carefully. Pressing the plunger, Reid's eyes slid closed contently; the drug coursed through his veins, easing the physical pain, and numbing the emotional. The drug was his sweet escape.

* * *

**_Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed this chapter!_**

**_By the way, I couldn't find out Ethan's real last name so I made it up… if anyone actually does know, please tell me, and I shall correct it. Also, St Greys hospital does not exist, I have no idea how I came up with that name but hey…_**

**_Apologies for the inaccuracies of the medical procedure revolving around patient transportation, unfortunately, I'm not a doctor, so please forgive me._**

**_**Thanks again for reading, following, favouriting, and/ or reviewing my story. I love every single reveiw i get! THANKS AGAIN!  
Special mention to my long time followers and reveiwers- Tannerrose5, DorisDonut,TheMysteriousGeek2345,Cartoon Cow, Omgnotagain, Seletua And my constant anonymous guest reveiwers! Love you guys soo much, they mean alot to me! My love is strong! xx **  
_**

**_Lately, im Lacking some motivation, my motivation fairy needs some feeding and reveiws are her favourite food! Please dont let her starve! its only the easy click of a button? ;) ;P_**

**_Xx_**

**_Claire_**


	21. The Ride Home

**_Hello Readers, I would like to thank you guys so much for your patience. The funeral for my friend, Mia, was just how she would want it, and although these weeks have been some of the most trying times of my life, I think she would like me to move on. _**

**_Thanks to you reveiwers, omgnotagain, TheMysteriousGeek2345, ! Keep them up! C:_**

**_Special thanks to Marcallie, without your advice and your dedication to this story, I would probably not have had the motivation to write another chapter. Thanks so much. Xx  
_**

**_*edit* OHMYGOSH. Dont hate me guys, but i COMPLETELY forgot about GARCIA! So i quickly wrote her in! I hope it makes up for my mistake! ;) _**

**_Enjoy!_**

The rest of the jet ride had been torment for the team, dangling a drugged Reid in front of them was a quick-fire way to put all of the agents on edge.

Morgan had ended up switching seats with Rossi, so his back was to Reid; he couldn't bare seeing this side of his best friend at all. He missed the quirky, geeky genius that they once knew. A deep feeling of dread gurgled at the pit of his stomach, what if he becomes dependant on the drugs? Nobody needed a repeat of Hankel, Reid especially. Derek was becoming more and more apprehensive, he couldn't survive two kidnappings. Just the thought of Ethan made Morgan's stomach roll with thundery hatred. Closing his eyes in dismay, Morgan resumed the rest of the flight in a tense, but well-needed, state of unconsciousness as he tried, _really tried,_ to be optimistic about Reid; it was proving a challenge.

Having been moved from her position, Garcia cuddled up with her knitting in the corner of the plane. What this whole situation needed most was a bit of normalcy, but she could tell that just knitting another scarf or quilt wasn't going to bring the homey feel back to the cold atmosphere she was feeling. Garcia was a naturally bubbly person, but deep inside, she held her secrets tucked away, like any other, she was a very private person. Her emotions shone through, but she was still battling internally. The war of optimism versus pessimism, the good versus the bad continued inside her head. She could see the road ahead of Reid, and she really wanted to be there for him, but she didn't know if he would want her support. Of course she would still be there, but it was a matter of knowing when to attack and when to sit back. Her mind was telling her now to wait for her chance, wait for him to come to her. And so she sat, contemplating the god things and the bad, contemplating whether or not Reid would survive this. Her optimism was faltering ever so slightly, but her willpower was still strong. Chancing a glance at the dreaming genius, she felt no sense of promise of the future, and this worried Penelope, so she knitted away her thoughts, hoping against hope that things would get better for her boy wonder.

There were several times that JJ had tried to talk with him, or even hold his hand, but each and every moment she did so, he would blow her off. Worry in the form of tears had clouded her eyes most of the flight home, just seeing how distant he was becoming, it was a complete feeling of Déjà vu. Reid had been exactly the same, plus a little mouthier with his opinion, back when Emily had come back to the team after her 'death'. She internally cringed at the memories, the pain she saw glowing in his eyes when she confronted him about it. She hoped dearly that they would have a chance to talk, if Reid would allow that at all. After settling another blanket across Reid's noticeably thin body, she sat facing the window, trying to find a distraction from the distant Reid beside her.

Although her nose had been nearly embedded in a book, the page that she had been looking at for the last half hour had still not been turned. She had watched as Reid shook of JJ's comforting time after time, mentally telling her that they both needed to have a chat. The look in JJ's eyes each time he did broke her spirits, but not as much as the dulled light in Reid's own. It was as if he wasn't even present anymore, as if he had recoiled from the team, his family, as well as himself. He would need all the support he could get to get through the intense physical therapy he had coming to him, but whether Reid would accept it or not was the real question. They couldn't help him if he denied he needed help. Shuffling in her seat, Emily tried to rest, but unease wouldn't let her from its grasp.

Hotch's mind had been in a whirlwind. It was as if his brain had decided to throw all his thoughts and feelings at him, all at once. Jack, Beth, Hayley, Reid along with all of the paperwork that he would have to fill out, not to mention the amount of work they had to do when they would get back as well as the many ass's that were needing kissing in way of a political apology to the bureau. His mind soon settled on one common subject; Reid's recovery. He would need intense physical therapy, along with extreme counselling and at the end of all that, he still didn't know if Reid could have a job. But would Reid even want to come back to the bureau after this? Would he even survive this? Hotch had noticed, along with everyone else, the drug dependence that was building up. The thoughts that had entered his mind were piling up and didn't help the already tense agent rest during rest of the flight home. Hotch stayed in nearly the exact same position for the whole flight, not one word was spoken, his mind was too busy processing; as was everyone else's.

Rossi didn't know what to think. Pity lurked in his head about what the poor young man was going through who at his age, or anybody, should not be even thinking about. This whole case, Ethan taking Reid, had added a whole new definition to the words back stabber. Along with the trauma that Reid will have to suffer through and eventually live with, he would also have to live with the death of Allyson Morris. The nature of human beings, unlike the people that these profilers catch, is to feel empathy, and Reid was not exempt from this fact of life. Rossi knew that Reid would blame himself for everything that happened to Ally, and Rossi was completely and utterly useless in ways to stop it. From personal experience in his many years as an FBI agent, Dave knew that no matter how much somebody tells you _it was not your fault_, you still feel branded by the responsibility of that person's life. He just hoped Reid would be strong enough to get through the grief and trauma that has been following him his whole life.

* * *

_Ethan approached Spencer deadly slow, but he didn't cower against the wall. He knew the physical pain that was about to hit; but that did nothing to prepare him for it. Ethan suddenly grabbed a fistful of Spencer's brown locks and dragged him, with ease, to the other side of the room. Spencer struggled as best he could, but exhaustion and dehydration were biting at his heels, causing his struggle to compare to that of a tired kitten. He cringed in pain as Ethan slammed his head against the hard concrete floor, but he wouldn't let a whimper escape his chapped lips. He saw black spots appear in his vision, but he didn't let the darkness take him in. A large hand instantly wrapped around Spencer's neck not giving him a chance to recover from the last blow. The hand tightened, choking him, and lifted Spencer of the cold floor. Reid was struggling uncontrollably as his 'fight or flight' response kicked in. He clawed at Ethan's strong hand that was slowly draining the life out of him. He kicked and swung his weight around; hoping that whoever was out there would make Ethan stop abusing his throat. His fight became weaker and weaker by the second. Spencer stopped hearing Ally's pained screams telling Ethan to let Spencer live. He slowly looked to her and saw a stray tear betray her eyes and fall down her cheek…_

Reid's eyes opened wide through a sheen layer of sweat, his breathing was harsh. Chestnut locks dangled in front of his now pale face as he brought a his cast hand up to move the swaying strands out of his eyes. Deep in Reid's sub-conscious, he knew that this was more than just a dream, but a memory. He didn't know how, but it just felt so _real._ But still he refused to believe, it was too much to process…He focused on steadying his breathing as his hazel eyes finally began to see the blurry but severely concerned faces of his team, or in other words the liars he worked with. The _liars_ who told him that one of his _friends_ had held him captive, tortured him, drugged him… Spencer himself had seen Ethan, and he didn't show any of the signs… Maybe he was going crazy, that would be a more comforting reality than what his mind was showing him, which he refused to understand. JJ was the first to speak, concernedly taking his sweaty palm in her soft hands.

'Spence, are you alright? We are about to land soon; we can get you some help then, okay?' She smiled kindly at him, her deep blue orbs prying at his heart strings. But Reid was still angry, they had lied to him. _She_ had _lied_ to him… after it had taken so long to repair their trust _she_ had _lied_ to him _again._

He put all of his energy in his hand, after all there wasn't much strength left in his right side at all, and pulled his weak hand out of hers. 'I'm fine; I don't need your help.' He responded curtly. JJ's eyes had reflected the hurt she felt, the hurt that Emily had seen earlier, and she moved her arm away from his, chancing a side glance at the rest of the team while subtly wiping her eyes.

Morgan intervened. 'Reid, you're clearly not fine, man. You're sweaty and pale. You're struggling. We can help you! Just talk to us.'

'I said I am fine_, Morgan_.' Reid shot back, looking down at his lap and playing with his khaki shorts, he couldn't get his casts under his pants so they opted for a larger size short. The truth was that Reid was not fine. He was utterly confused. His mind was telling him that his team was correct about Ethan, while his heart just couldn't face the truth, causing his emotions to skyrocket; Anger and frustration being the most prominent of them all. Suddenly the genius realized what these feelings coincided with and he recognized all too well what was overcoming his senses, a feeling that no FBI agent, let alone human being, should need to experience; drug withdrawal. His mind knew the feeling as well as the symptoms; sweating, tightness in the chest, racing heart along with irritability, anxiety, confusion and most prominently social isolation. Reid wanted to be alone, away from his team, away from the world. The façade he had been putting on was tiring, and obviously cracking by the hurt and concerned looks he was receiving. The truth was that Morgan was right, he was struggling, but he wasn't about to ask for help; to Reid, that would mean weakness, and ultimately shame.

The looks of his team members turned towards a red light flashing above the entrance to the cockpit. Responding to the signal, the team temporarily let go of the situation, although no body stopped thinking about it, and secured their seatbelts; the plane was going to begin its decline back down to earth. Another Flash of red erupted in front of Reid's eyes where Nurse Nadine bent forward to fasten Spencer's seatbelt, after doing so she secured her own.

The decent was silent, apart from the grumble of the engines and the wheels touching the runway, and a tense atmosphere had made itself known, but Reid was oblivious to it. As soon as the Jet door's had opened, the BAU team was greeted kindly by a pair of EMT's carrying a gurney. The carefully loaded the annoyed and protesting brunette on to it, and the nurse followed them, getting into the ambulance that waited, in other words Reid's new chariot. Reid was loaded inside the vehicle, his protests of his ability to walk being ignored.

'I'm sorry sir; there is no space for anyone to ride along.' One medic spoke to Morgan as he was looking at the ambulance meaningfully. There were clearly enough seats in the vehicle, but Morgan didn't protest, his bed was definitely calling him.

The doors to the ambulance were closed, the vehicle drove off the tarmac and with it Reid was gone. The team was left grabbing their bags and loading them into the SUV tiredly. Each of them was physically and emotionally drained. After lugging their tired bodies into two vehicles, they left the Jet on the tarmac, and hoped that they wouldn't be on it again for a while; nobody wanted to go anywhere apart from home.

* * *

As soon as the doors to the ambulance had closed with a click, Nadine spoke. 'Why didn't you want any of them to ride along, Hun? You know they are just trying to help you. From what I saw on that plane today, they love you very much, and distancing yourself from them won't help you at all, you know that right?' She spoke tenderly, sadness in her soft voice as she adjusted his pillows.

'I know, but… I just, I can't stand looking at them anymore… It was bad before but now the_ pity_ in their eyes, it's too overwhelming. I… I don't know.' He spoke, his voice sounded a bit choked up with emotions.

'Honey, don't get their_ love_ mixed up with pity. I know it's going to be a long road, but at the end of it, all you have are your friends. Don't lose them by your own hand. You're pushing them away, and I know just how lonely that road can become without any support, so just_ trust me_, Dr Reid, you need them as much as they need you.' Finishing with the pillows, she placed a tender hand on his arm, for which she received a gentle smile.

Spencer couldn't help but be comforted by her presence, she seemed to genuinely care and know what Reid was going through. He knew it was her job, but he couldn't help but be thankful that she was here with him.

He settled back into his pillows and closed his eyes as Nadine pulled out a book from her bag. He was going to get through this, but like Nadine said, it would be a long road, and he was going to need all the support he could get. Reid just hoped he would be able to ask for help when he needed it most.

**_Thanks for reading, and please leave a review on your way out. C: xx_**

**_Claire _**


	22. Contemplations

**_Hello! Here is the next chapter!_**

**_A Reid-centric emotionally challenging chapter here we come!_**

**_*small trigger warning* Mentions of suicide_**

**_Special thanks to Nat-Nat360, GuestReviewer and DJSteele for your awesome reviews! Im Glad you guys are enjoying it! Don't forget to Review again guys! _**

**_C;_**

'I will leave you to get settled in…' The previously lingering nurse said as she backed out of the room, Reid's new room for the foreseeable future.

The room itself was nice enough, but it smelled like a funeral home; the tangy taste of disinfectant was lingering on Reid's senses. He glanced around, fully sucking up everything that was to be seen in his new place. The large white wooden door, which he had just rolled through, was opposite a ceiling-to-floor window, next to that was a small glassy bookcase filled with books, and as he scrolled through the titles he noticed they were all books that Dr Reid had already read. The twin sized bed was sitting against a burgundy Victorian-patterned feature wall that was also holding another door, leading to the bathroom; a pretty flashy set-up for a recovery hospital for cops and army veterans. Semi-pricey looking artworks decorated the bare cream-coloured walls. The room was empty apart from that. _Probably giving the patients some room to add personal touches _Reid noted.

The team would come by later and drop off most of his things, Reid was looking forward to at least one element of normalcy in his life, and knowing that he wasn't going to be returning to work any time soon, that comfort was going to have to come from the numerous books that littered his old apartment's walls and floor. There would hopefully be room for a bookcase or two more in the moderately sized room, at least enough to house his favourite books.

Challengingly rolling him in his wheelchair over to the large window that overlooked some parts of the city, but was dwarfed by others, Reid noticed that there were horizontal bars sticking out over the bottom edge of the window, seeing as they were three stories up.

It was then that he began to feel, everything.

Alone, in his room, with nothing but the bed and empty bookcase, the gravity of the situation hit him and for the first time he let, it full force; the fact that he won't be able to walk for at least another three weeks. The fact that he had next to no strength in his right side, and the intense physical therapy he needed to build a lifetime of muscle back. Even just pushing himself in his wheelchair was a challenging task that required all of his physical strength.

Reid just felt completely weak, useless. He thought back to what Nadine had said during the ride to the hospital; _you're pushing them away, and I know just how lonely that road can become without any support, so just trust me, Dr Reid, you need them as much as they need you. _How did she know how hard it was to reach out? To live like this? To not remembering anything from when he was supposedly kidnapped? She didn't, she doesn't. She was lying; just trying to sympathize. _Don't get their love mixed up with pity. _Her wise words rang throughout his head. Reid felt he knew that it was pity in his team's eyes. There was no love there. People who love you don't lie to you.

All of the conflicting emotions welling inside the genius seemed to appear. Letting his head loll on his chest, he tucked his chin away and, with effort, brought his hands to his chest, effectively hugging himself; keeping the pieces that once were him from falling apart. Hot salty tears paved track marks down his pale, sunken cheeks as his shoulders finally shook with grief, despair, confusion, helplessness and anger. Although his heaving body began to hurt his head and his casted arm, he continued to let free the feelings that had been his distraught shield of emotions. _He_ had let this happen again. _He_ was the one to blame. If only he been a better agent… Reid knew his friend and Ethan wouldn't do this, couldn't do this, could he?

His so called dreams had been showing him otherwise. Just remembering the moulded memories, Reid could feel the tightness in his throat that was Ethan's slimy fingers around his neck, crushing his airway, harsh and life-threatening. Sobbing harder, Reid didn't know what to believe anymore. His mind was jumbled, ruined. He couldn't survive this again, just being with Hankel for three days had left him with a drug addiction; what would being with Ethan for five take from him; his life? Reid realized why the horizontal bars were there now, so nobody could commit suicide. So nobody could escape the entire trauma and lies that were their life and throw themselves onto the stark white pavement below, creating a pool of crimson.

Mixed messages and moments of clarity were what occurred for the next twenty minutes. He had to fight for his team, his life, but he didn't know if he was strong enough, but was he strong enough to leave everyone anyway? Was he strong enough to leave Hotch or Morgan? To abandon Garcia or Rossi? To dessert Emily and his mother? To forget about JJ or Henry? The tears had stopped but the pain was still present.

He couldn't concentrate at all, withdrawal was taking his attention.

Oh God, he wanted. The steady stream of the morphine drip that Reid had been hooked up to for the best part of three weeks, it made his heart race in desire just thinking about it. The sheer release he felt when Nadine had pressed the plunger and a sense of euphoria would flow through his mind, all his troubles would dissolve in the pain-vanquishing liquid. Reid needed a fix. A fix of anything. His mind had an itch, as well as his body, and it needed scratching. Walking, well, being rolled through the doors into the hospital, he had been unsurprised by the white walls and floors that were adorned with floral art throughout the hallway, nothing attracted his full-blown attention, and Reid needed a distraction. He needed one now, or he might break.

Distantly, Reid heard a tap, well closer to a bang, on the door and he said nothing, knowing that the person, whoever it was, would enter without his permission either way. His suspicions were answered when he heard a new, rough aged voice sound in the room; it was refreshing after only hearing his sobs for the last twenty minutes.

'Hello, uh' after a shuffle of papers the voice of the man boomed again. 'Dr Reid.' The man was obviously not a shy person, and judging by what happened next he was one with a sick sense of humour. Reid rolled around to see a scruffy looking man in a black t-shirt and khakis, he looked to be in his mid-fifties with a small beard covering his chin, even though it still held its reddy-brown colour, he looked his age. The man before him was holding his hand out, a gesture that Reid had so many times before refused, but this time, he refused not for bacterial reasons but for his strength.

The man could see the hesitance and denial in Reid's eyes but he still insisted, his hand still hanging in the air while no man made a sudden travel to move it.

'Come on, just shake it. Unless you don't want to know my name, by all means, leave me hanging.'

Slowly Reid's stubbornness faltered and he tried to lift his hand in order to shake the one awaiting. The muscles in Reid's arm were tense with effort, each and every one doing its part in order to accomplish its task. Soon Reid's hand met the other man's and slid into its place. The man shook, and Reid did too but, doing so caused Reid's strength to soon buckle and his hand slid back to his lap, his muscles straining from stretching.

'Well, a bit of a slack one there but hey, I am your PT specialist… Anyway, soon that handshake will be as strong as new. The name's Peter Black; you can call me Pete, or Peter, but no Mister Black. I don't need any more reasons to add age to this handsome face, eh?' Pete, the physical therapy specialist, chuckled sarcastically, eyeing Reid to see if he had a funny bone. 'I guess not then.' He said again after realizing rather than causing the boy before him to chuckle, he had caused a tad of panic to come on.

'_Anyway_… I am obviously here to bring back some strength to that arm of yours, eh? Then after you get those hunks of plaster off' Black gestured towards the casts on Reid's legs. 'We will help build your walking back up to speed… Get it, kid? Speed? Because you walk… fast walk?' Pete tried again, and after failed miserably, nudged Reid on the shoulder.

'…Uh, Actually, Although walking speeds can vary greatly depending on factors such as height, weight, age, terrain, surface, load, culture, effort, and fitness, the average human walking speed is about 5.0 kilometres per hour, or about 3.1 miles per hour. Specific studies have found pedestrian walking speeds ranging from 4.51 kilometres per hour to 4.75 kilometres per hour for older individuals and from 5.32 kilometres per hour to 5.43 kilometres per hour for younger individuals. I don't think that is a very fast walk, unless you are referring to professional race-walkers whose speeds vary from-' Reid began to ramble nervously.

'Phew, this is going to take a while to get some _real humour_ into this kid…' He said more to himself then to Reid. 'Now, I know usual _protocol_ lets patients rest easy their first day in, but the way I see it is the more hours you put in, the faster the results and basically the faster you get outta here. So let's start now, eh?'

**_Do I get any extra reviews for updating so awesomely quickly? C;_**

**_What do you guys think!?_**

**_Thanks for Reading! Xx_**

**_Claire_**


	23. The Man in the Wheelchair

**_Hey there! Sorry I haven't updated for over a month, it's the end of school term and its raining assessments! Apologies guys! _**

**_To the new readers, Thanks for being dedicated enough to pick up on this story when we are already this far in! That's why I love you guys! Xx_**

**_Special mention- Thanks to Power of Darkness, Nat-Nat360, lovecrimindsteam, Pica Britanica and Guest for your oh so kind reviews! Love you guys especially much, dudes! ;) xx_**

**_Warnings for this chapter- Dark themes, Minor Swearing, self-harm. Read at your own discretion._**

'Okay, nice going there. Now, rest your arm on your wheelchair, with your hand hanging off the end. Slowly turn your hand side to side like this, eh?' Black spoke cautiously whilst demonstrating with his own hand, he had been testing Reid's strength in his arm for about an hour now to see just how deep his wounds go.

Reid had read all about physical therapy in one of his many books he had read previously to needing the activity; he knew all about what exercises work out which muscles and all of that, but something the books never told you was the fact that physical therapy was extremely hard. It was as if his muscles were never really there in the first place, like he really was a baby being taught how to strengthen up his muscles. With a pale face and lightly glistening brow, Reid followed his specialist's instructions and slowly turned his hand to the left and held it for five seconds. That was the hard part; the hold, the long pause as his muscles in his hand and arm would get used to the stretching movement. Reid's brow had furrowed at three seconds in with concentration, the newfound pain of his muscles stretching was really quite intense. Finally, Pete nodded and Reid let go slowly of his stretch, pausing to catch his slightly missing breath. And now it was for the other arm. Pete slapped him lightly on the back, what Reid had learnt as his signal to hurry up as it were, and he turned his tired hand to the right this time. Five, four, three, two, one, release. Reid sighed with relief, the physical therapy was hard and tiring, but at least it took his mind off of, well… _other things._

'Great going there, sport, now, we are finished for the day. Don't let me see that relief flood your eyes there boy, because if I do, I will come back twice as hard tomorrow, eh.' Peter slapped Reid on the back once more with a wink, and exited Reid's room. Reid had been told that Pete had _taken it easy_ for today and let him get tested out in the comfort of his own room; if only Reid could call it his own, it was still as plain as could be. Which reminded him, the team was meant to come by soon, bearing his oh-so-precious books, he was dearly looking forward to that; not the team part of the equation though.

If he was being honest with himself, Reid didn't feel like he knew his team anymore. He quite simply felt betrayed, belittled; _alone_. Rolling over towards the window of his room, he looked out the window even though there was simply nothing to see. He was trying to fight the emotions inside that told him his family was telling the truth, logical thinking said it could be; even then, his heart was saying Ethan couldn't have done this, not now, not ever. Reid's whole trust spectrum had been completely shattered. To be extremely blunt, the only person Spencer felt he could trust was Pete; he was a medical professional and contained no bias towards Reid as a person. Ever since Hankel, Reid had seen the worried glances of his team when a case involving drugs came across the round table, those looks were most unmistakeably related to his past. And in Reid's logical mind, Peter Black didn't know his background and therefore doesn't judge him, unlike what his team seems to constantly doing lately. An image that was persistently thrown in his mind was the _stupidly sympathetic_ looks he had been getting on the jet back to DC. They made Reid _sick_; he wasn't a baby, he wasn't a poor little kitten with a sore paw. He was a man, a man who had been through a trauma, but a man no less. He was sick of being babied, a thing he had told more than one of his team members before, yet they still insist to treat him like one.

Anger rose up in the young agent, and had been building layer by layer ever since he woke up, but he couldn't let it out, he just couldn't. Something was holding him back from screaming and he didn't quite know what it was. His mind was telling him to erupt, but his heart wasn't armoured up for the pain that was thick and slimy with hate.

Spencer Reid hadn't realized he had been clenching his fist until he felt the yearning ache in his already over-used PT arm. He looked away from the clear glass and down to his palm; he could see the indentations that his long fingernails had made in his pale wrinkled skin, a flowing river of arches in crust. His anger rose and he rolled away from the window, tired of looking at the weary and uncertain reflection of the man in the wheelchair, and into a small table that held a glass vase, sending the pot hurdling to the floor, separating into sharp shards flying in odd directions.

Taking a deep breath, Reid slowly bent over and picked up one of the shards, preparing to begin cleaning up his own mess until something came over him while he was holding it in his tired hand hopelessly. His eyes went black with hatred, towards himself and everyone else, as he squeezed his hand with all of his aching strength. Hot, sticky, warm blood began to seep through his fingers as he felt the sweet release of adrenaline fighting to find the threat, only to find that there was none; his own weakened and beaten soul was the enemy. His strength weakened as the blood dripped onto the carpet, a faint splash could be heard if one were listening carefully enough, and soon Reid's grip of the glass stopped piercing his aged skin. The young Doctor's eyes finally began to see again, and Reid looked at himself and quickly found the source of the silently inviting sting. He looked at his hand now bloodied and pulsing with pain, which helped distract Reid's trained mind from its constant need for the drug, the glass still glistening happily through the layer of blood it was covered with. In an act of pure shock at his own actions, Reid threw the crimson piece of glass away in no particular direction, while his eyes began to water with regret, he stared at his hand; scrutinizing the damage done to his slender fingers. A little piece of him was surprised he had the strength in his hand; another piece of his innocence was thrown away with the make-shift blade, while the remainder was utterly disgusted with his twisting mind. Reid wasn't coping to say the least.

He needed help. Reid's logical mind was a now miniscule voice telling him he needed to talk to someone. He had been taken for five days, beaten, tortured, drugged, developed a second addiction, thought about suicide and self-harmed within the span of a couple of months. His life was turning to shit. Reid silently knew that he would be forced to talk to someone at the hospital, but he didn't want to be forced. He knew he could easily just lie is way through; tell the therapist exactly what he or she needed to hear and walk away with a guilty grin, but this time was different. This was rock-bottom. Reid felt alone and in pain. According to all of the self-help books he had read up on a couple of years ago, the first step to achieving your goals was to admit your problem first, to yourself and to others. He needed to admit to someone, anyone, that he needed help. But this was his logical voice talking; emotions always trump logic, and for the moment Reid, emotionally at least, Reid was ignoring his pain.

Still in a state of shock, Reid rolled towards the bathroom in order to wash his hand of the blood it was stained with when he crossed his reflection in the mirror. The person staring back was not the person he thought he would see. Reid thought he would be looking at a tidied, innocent, awkward young man with bright eyes that matched his vibrant future; instead he saw the simple man in the wheelchair, his hair greasy, clothes dishevelled, face tear streaked. The man in the wheel chair had dulled haunting eyes and a bloodied hand; he had a distinctive sorrow to him that spoke of the many battle scars he had been mutilated with along his travels; he held an unmistakable brokenness that yearned for help before it would be too late. The man in the wheelchair was Reid.

**_Thanks for reading! Please review! Xx_**

**_Claire_**


	24. The Only Way is Up

**_Hello there! I'm back with another chapter, and as per request, I made this one sort of fluffy. No emotional ride here so sit back relax and enjoy the sweetness of Penelope Garcia. _**

**_Thanks to Pica Britanica for Reviewing and making me write a carefree chapter! This one's for you! _**

**_**On an important side note, I am writing another story at the moment; but I have yet to post it. This may be why I will be late on my chapters for this story! But I refuse to give up, as long as I have followers, I will write for you! So just be patient and thanks for your continued support. Be on the lookout for my new story soon, it's going to be Reidcentric as always!**_**

After staring at his own battered reflection in the mirror for what seemed like forever, Reid's logical mind knew somebody would soon arrive with his dinner and they would discover the bloody scene on the carpet; Reid needed to clean up his own mess. Reid was drowning in his own shame and guilt for what he had just done as he rolled into the roomy bathroom to clean his bloody wound. The hot water stung as it chased the crimson demons out of his cut and down the drain, Reid winced when he saw just how deep the cut was, he was stronger than he thought. After washing the blood away, he hesitantly applied a soft towel to his now scarred hand and grimaced as the fabric made contact with his flesh. _You deserve this,_ a small but seemingly truthful voice sounded in his head. No matter how much he tried to ignore the voice, it was always nagging.

Slowly Reid rolled out of his bathroom and into the bedroom to pick up the pieces of the shattered vase, albeit carefully. That's when he heard the tap on the door. Panic and fear froze him to the spot; he couldn't be seen like this, so vulnerable and broken. He mentally hoped it was just a nurse or even Pete so he wouldn't have to put up an act around his team. His hopes were dashed in a few seconds when a brightly coloured woman, clattering and rustling with plastic bags entered his room stumbling. It was none other than Garcia. She was smiling happily, though with forced effort, with her head down as she closed the door behind her whilst carrying what Reid had counted as three full looking bags.

'Hello my sweetie pie, now don't worry these bags aren't all full of squishy cuddly beings, this one is full of books!' she finally turned around after placing the bags on the ground and saw the horrifying sight. Reid was slumped in his chair, his greasy chestnut hair dangling around his unusually pale face. The dark rings under his eyes were even more pronounced than before and his hand was covered in a bloody towel, the same crimson liquid in a small puddle on the cream carpet.

'Oh my, Reid! What happened here!? Are you alright!?' She spoke frantically as she saw the blood stain on the carpet, and looked up at her friend to see a horrified expression on his pale face.

'Uh yeah, I-I'm fine. I uh, I bumped the vase and I tried to catch it but I uh, well I cut myself.' He said the last couple of words quietly; trying to hide the truth of what really happened after the vase had shattered. He watched as Garcia surveyed him once more, checking for anything she may have missed.

Looking deep into the young genius' eyes, Garcia saw the hesitance that lay there; Garcia knew that look, and knew the lie. However, this issue was not the top of the list, right now; she needed to get that cut looked after.

'Okay, my junior G-man, let's get that nasty cut looked after than shall we?' She spoke as tenderly as a mother tending to her own child, as she placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed encouragingly. After a hesitant nod from the genius, Garcia looked in the bathroom for the first aid kit that was bound to be there. After a minute or two, she found her prize and brought it back out towards the bed, where Reid had been ordered to sit. Sitting down next to him, she reached over for his hand.

'It's not that bad Garcia-' the smart doctor began to protest, to which Garcia held up her hand in her own protest.

'None of that, Boy Wonder! I'm the nurse today, and you're the patient! Now, show me your ouchies, Genius!' She grinned at him with determination lurking in her eyes, she reached for his hand again and opened his clenched fist, to which Reid looked away. The cut was deep and would definitely scar, but Garcia didn't think it needed any more tending to besides a plaster and a kiss to make it better.

Reid smiled inwardly as he watched Garcia tend to his wound, even though he was feeling rather exposed, he still felt safe with her. Garcia was the innocence of the team, the love and glue that kept them all together. For the first time since he had been taken, Reid felt completely safe with Garcia, and he knew it was because she contained the child-like innocence and pure love that made this team a family. She was able to overlook all of the horrors in the world and only see the good in people; she only saw the good in Reid. Spencer felt genuinely at peace with the technical analyst; he felt utterly innocent.

When she was nearly done, she grabbed a Band-Aid out of the kit and kissed it before placing the plaster over his cut and patting it smooth lovingly. She looked up at the half smiling man before her and smiled back pleased that he had cooperated and began to clean up the mess on the ground, laying a wet towel over the blood patch after cleaning up the sharp shards of glass.

'Thanks, Garcia, for everything.' He spoke tenderly, looking at the ground, as he always did when he spoke his feelings. The guilt began to come back, slowly filtering up inside when he saw her genuinely bright smile back.

'That's alright, Genius. I want to help; I just need you to let me in.' She spoke honestly, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze once more. The silence that began to fill the room was deafening as Reid tried to figure out what to say next; how to begin what he was trying to explain. _I'm struggling Garcia, I can't get through this again… I don't know who to trust… I'm just lost, Garcia. I need help._

Struggling with his words through the silence, Garcia mistook his quiet for not being ready to talk, and sighed but spoke again quickly. 'Alright, enough of this sadness! I'm not made for it. Now we are going to have some fun tonight! The team is out on a case and I have got Kevin to fill in for me just in case they need anything; I'm all yours tonight Dr Reid.' She spoke cheerfully once more, he bright smile almost blinding him as she leaned over and grabbed her mystery bags; what lay inside could be any body's guess.

'That's fine Garcia; you don't have to do that. I was just hoping for a quiet night alone-' Reid began to distance himself, his guilt making him even less eager to be accompanied.

'Nuh-uh handsome, I have a plan. _We _are going to have a cosy night in; me, you and the other Doctor.' She said slyly as she pulled out the latest Doctor Who series from her bag of surprises. 'And we shall order in some take-out of your choice, snuggle up and enjoy our evening with the good Doctor, and that's an order, mister.' Before Reid could protest, Garcia began to unpack her laptop and placed it on the bed next to the Doctor Who DVD's. She pulled out a giant sized teddy and placed him in one of the chairs opposite the window, and continued to bedazzle his new apartment sized quarters. By the end of it all, Reid was inwardly grinning at his new apartment. There were cuddly toys everywhere they could possibly be, pink and blue snakes; red and yellow characters adorned every nook and cranny, bright and vibrant with happiness. Photos of his family littered the walls bringing back some fond memories. One particular frame brought him particular happiness; it was a photo of his Godson Henry smiling goofily at the camera while impersonating Reid last Halloween.

Soon enough, Garcia had popcorn cooked and her laptop hooked up ready to begin the movie night. They decided that the take-out wasn't an option with the amount of junk food the pair have prepared for the night. Garcia propped up the pillows on Reid's bed and grabbed a final teddy out of her bag placing it where she would lay next to Reid. Waiting for the genius to get comfortable on his bed, she switched off the lights and the room was cast into darkness apart from the orange light of sunset through the windows and the luminous screen of Garcia's laptop. Climbing in next to her best friend, she hit the play button and all sadness lingering in the room was vanquished. With the comfort of his friend and the wicked good Doctor Who, Reid couldn't have been more pleased to have Garcia in his life.

**_Please Review! _**

**_Thanks for your constant support guys! I don't know what I would do without you! Xx  
Claire_**


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